the biggest c*#t in the world

Had an awright weekend. A boogie here, a boogie there, a boogie nearly everywhere. I saw Melbourne band Cut Copy play, which was enjoyable if not amazing (their blatant obsession with themselves obscuring their potential greatness in my opinion). I also went to the greyhound races (go the doggies!) and marveled once again at this bizarre little sub-universe.

However, the most intriguing part of my weekend, the thing that has had me pondering a-go-go, was my meeting of possibly the biggest bitch I have ever encountered in my short but ever-so populated existence. I'm not exaggerating. I have never before in my life come across anyone as hostile as this loathsome female (without provocation, that is). She snarled, she snapped, and worst of all she condascended. I sat there incredulous, wondering what evil warlock had created such a vile stain upon humanity, as she could not possibly be born of love and/or passion.

This hideous vermin seemed to be carrying a large festering grudge against all of god's creatures. Her seething contempt for all who crossed her path was undisguised and, at times, frightening. She unabashedly flaunted her belief in her own beauty and style as being unparalleled on planet earth, wantonly snickering at every person with the audacity to walk by her. And should anyone dare stand in her spotlight, a sickly sweet chorus of "can I help you, darling?" was delivered, loaded with disdain.

Every woman has the right to be a bitch on occasion. It says so in the manual. Maybe some malevolent cretin cheated on you. Maybe you were the victim of a horrible brazilian waxing incident. Perhaps your sister ruined your (fake?) Manolos. All justifiable occasions to turn on the bitch-factor. However there is NO excuse for behaviour like that of the anorexic parasite I met on the weekend. She should be sent to some far off land where she will be force-fed lard every ten minutes, made to wear Kmart brand clothes all the live-long day, and forced to cohabit with a fat, pimple-faced web-geek named Olaf. The end.