the crotch of a person or an animal

a dear friend of mine has recently found himself adrift in the single stratosphere. still confused as to how he got here, and without a safety net nor a lifejacket to keep him grounded, he often seeks guidance from myself and other esteemed members of the spinsterhood. I have granted him counsel when so requested, and am indeed tickled to continue to do so.

however during a conversation this evening, this same friend said something to me that has me all a-contemplating. "nadstown" he said, "you're the single man's crutch". Not sure whether to blush or cry, i decided to hold off on a reaction until i had done some research.

admittedly i was pretty tired, so my research was limited to looking up the definition of 'crutch' in an online dictionary. Here are some of the results:

Crutch:

A staff or support used by the physically injured or disabled as an aid in walking, usually designed to fit under the armpit and often used in pairs.

- the support bit sounds like something i'd like to be for my friends, but i'm not really all that into armpits. and if there should be two of me for maximum effectiveness, i think my single form may prove useless.

A forked leg rest on a sidesaddle.

- i like horses as much as the next girl, but when i think of riding side-saddle its usually while clinging passionately to orlando bloom as we ride off naked into the sunset. i ain't noone's leg rest, honey.

The crotch of a person or an animal.

- this notion evades witty repartee.

in analysing the information at hand which seems to identify a 'crutch' as being an object of support and assistance, i have decided that the friend in question was speaking with the best of intentions. unless he was referring to crotches, in which case i'm a little disturbed.

a final note on the topic: i often question myself about my own perennial lovelessness. "why nadstown", i say to myself, "why are you always a bridesmaid, and never, never a bride?" And now i can answer myself. "well, nadstown" i can say , "if there is any chnace that men see you as an armpit-smelling disbility aid, as a saddle piece, or as the personification of their own groins, you sure ain't going to the chapel any time soon".

i think it may be time for a change of image.