matchmaker, matchmaker

for reasons undisclosed i have decided that i must be married by december. i'm talking the whole shebang: barbie, ken, drunk rabbi, horny bridesmaids, corny love songs, schmaltzy photos, painful speeches, etc.

the major problem with this endeavor is a dire lack of potential husbands. yet somehow i have convinced myself that despite my perennial singledom, i will have no problems finding some poor schmuck desperate enough to pledge eternal love and commitment to me by december.

i am, however, taking a very casual approach to the "eternal love and commitment" thing. as this will be a marriage of (my) convenience, the usual emphasis placed on monogamy and intimacy will be eschewed in lieu of providing my family with something to celebrate for once.

the following is a list of those qualities i have deemed imperative for the selection of the groom:

- male

- jewish (or at least willing to tell my mother and rabbi he is - circumcision optional)

- available in december

so if you fit this description, or know someone who does, and are willing to pretend you love me for a few years (i promise to have you divorced by 2007), lets make it happen.