blind date

we all know that people who find love on the internet are ugly middle-aged virgins (or, of course, pedophiles).

its true, i've seen them on a current affair heaps of times, gazing into each others near-sighted eyes as they tell ray martin about how they found each other in a star trek chat room (and espousing corny, preconceived puns about how it was "love at first write").

being that i'm not an ugly middle-aged virgin myself - well at least not two of the three, that is* - i've always viewed these stories with an air of patronising superiority, simultaneously thinking "how sweet, even overweight buck-toothed halfwits can find love on the internet", and "thank g-d i'll never be as sad as them".

but then this lady came into my life, and everything changed. at first it was all very innocent - a comment here, a reply there. nothing serious. but then the emails began, and before i knew it the subject of a face to face rendezvous was being discussed. i was in a cyber relationship**.

i began having overpowering urges to watch star trek and change my name to noeleen.

and tomorrow we will meet. in the flesh. for the very first time. and this boy will be there too. and we will eat and drink and talk and laugh and make fun of people who obviously aren't as stylish and witty as us. cause that's what we left wing feminist f#cked up communist dykes do.

but what am i going to wear?



*you can guess which of the two i am.

**well, really i just have a new friend. but its fun to pretend isn't it?