skinny and skinnier

everyone's favourite future porn stars, mary-kate and ashley oh-oh-olsen, are promoting happy meals in france. I'M NOT KIDDING!

i was all ready with several witty and scathing remarks about this most ridiculous marketing ploy ("starving french kiddies", "d-i-y bulimia kits", "free gram of coke hidden in every burger"). But when i sat down to write, i felt somewhat like a cheap old whore, performing hackneyed tricks in the hope of winning the affection of strangers.

so instead of making obvious olsen twin jokes which i'm sure have all been done before, i will tell you all about a conversation i overheard on saturday night in the ladies room of a certain kings cross establishment. a place at which its rumoured that a girl can get pregnant just by sitting on one of the couches. a place where dirt can take on human form and ask to buy you a drink.

when i walked into the ladies room i found, preening themselves in the mirror, three ivana trump aspirants, clad head to toe in dolce, gucci and pucci. i was rather shocked to find these creatures in the same seedy dive as me and mine. but not as shocked as i was by their conversation, which went something like as follows:

emaciated princess: he, like, obviously doesn't like me because i'm so fat.

devoted friends: you are, like, so not fat.

emaciated princess: no, seriously, like, i've always been really jealous of you guys. i mean, i'm not a racist, but i've always wished i was, like, asian too, so i could be, like, really skinny all the time and not, like, worry about anything.

okay, so i may have thrown in a few "likes", but the rest is pretty much what i heard. no further comment.