i made a promise to a friend
wanted:
8 nubile virgins.
for grape-feeding, domestic servitude and sexual subservience.
must have own palm-frond fan and white flowing robes.
talent on the harp applauded but not essential.
successful applicants will have a positive "can do" attitude and an openness to trying new things.
absolutely no wages but excellent incentives (womanhood, multiple orgasms, etc).
fair maidens only. guy sebastian need not apply.
applications to be addressed to "oh sweet and lofty master" and submitted in writing before the next full moon.
19 Comments:
I certainly hope that this is repayment for the books. It's way over the top, but don't think I don't appreciate it.
If it's not, then can I apply?
my dear book book,
unfortunately the virgins are not intended as thank you gifts for your sweet self, but for another friend.
however, if this be your wish, i'll see what i can do. i expect you won't be wanting sloppy seconds though, so i'll have to run a whole new ad.
regarding your request to apply for the job, i fear that my friend is "not that way inclined". but of course there's no harm in trying. send in a cv along with proof of your intact cherry, and i'll add you to the list of hopefuls.
xox
Be very careful about that ad. When was the last time you heard good harp music?
your point has been duly noted zoe.
however, i think decent harp playing is the least of my worries right now.
so far noone (female) wants the job.
could there really be no more virgins left in the slutyards of sydney?
"virgin" is a technical term, non? and if it were 'sweet and lofty mistress', i may well be up for it.
Nadine (can I just call you gorgeous from now on?), I recommend you try here (http://www.westfield.com/parramatta/) on a Thursday night. It's like, totally laid out, like, in front of you.
book book, you are MORE than welcome to call me gorgeous. in fact, i demand it. of everyone. from now on. or there will be consequences. bad ones.
gorgeous, you out searching for nubile young ladies reminds me of the story about the eagle who grew up with the chickens. He always looked up at the eagles flying above him and wished he could be one of them, but because he had grown up in the chicken yard (no doubt saying "book book" while other chickens responded "cheep cheep"), without realising that in fact he was an eagle. so basically i think you can soar into virginity and that should be enough for your friend.
i think there are too many commas in that story.
book book, i fear that me "soaring into virginity" to appease my friend would be somewhat like wrapping up an old, damaged sunbeam kettle in a brand new black and decker box and presenting it to him as a birthday present. i.e. he would not be fooled.
not to imply that i'm old. or damaged. or a kettle.
well, i'm definitely not a kettle. the other 2 are debatable.
why be so intent on sleeping with virgins anyway? banging virgins is a hassle. sure it all sounds good in theory but in practice it ends up a sticky, painful, embarrassing mess... so i hear.
if said friend should decide to see the light that is the experienced (not so much that its gross though)woman, then sign me up.
unless of course he is also a friend of mine in which case forget it - i don't want to catch anything!!
-elo
if the white robes, womanhood and multiple orgasms are still part of the deal... I guess I could become a "born-again virgin" as long as I don't have to talk to any evangelist Chrisitans in the process.
and no, I don't think there are any virgins left in the Inner West (that are over the age of consent).
well, i hope my friend is happy with born-agains and booksellers, cause it looks like that's what he's getting.
i have considered myself a born-again since i made my mecca to touch the feet of the virgin mary statue atop a hill in santiago de chile. (sorry, mum. sorry, rabbi.)
and elo, you do indeed know the friend in question. but if you wanna join in, there are these new-fangled things the kids are calling "condoms" so you don't catch anything or get up the duff (and i happen to be receiving a delivery of 500 of them today. plus lube). wacky huh?
but will these so called "condoms" protect against the lice nadine? ....the lice!!!
-elo
i can say for certain that i find this entire topic to be of much confusion. someone is trying to establish a harem, but now there is the threat of lice?
sore head. let me just go back to my burly four-way...
Nadine, why are you having 500 condoms delivered? Is it at all related to a certain interstate visitor you're expecting?
the condom delivery has nothing to do with my interstate guest. however if all goes well..
the reason i am having 500 condoms delivered is because i am once again co-organising the annual sex eduacation seminars held at the youth centre where i do my bit for the community and humanity and world peace and puppies and rainbows and all that do-gooder jazz.
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