drape me in diamonds and call me sugar

this year my new years resolution was to dedicate myself to the following two things: underachievement and shopping.

i have been incredibly successful in my pursuit of the former goal, but it would appear that the latter has suffered as a direct consequence.

i suppose if i was a little bit on the smarter side, i would have foreseen this from the outset. but hey, i'm a bit slow sometimes. i hear boys like stupid girls though, so i totally intend on playing up to it next time i meet one.

anyway, i have considered many ways in which to combine the two ambitions so i can have my laziness and wear chanel too.

stealing was my first thought, but i feel the guilts for taking free samples from the cheese plate at the fruit shop. so that wasn't an option.

then my thoughts turned to prostitution. but as down as i am with other women who CHOOSE to pawn their pussies for pennies, i just couldn't do it myself. no sirree bob.

a career in the porn industry was ruled out for similar reasons. although not as quickly. i was once an aspiring actress after all. and i can go "ooh" and "aah" and "my what a big dick you have there, sailor" quite convincingly. but still, no.

so i set about making peace with my meager salary and existing wardrobe.

but then today, i became desperate. i realised i just can't live without that $155 karen walker necklace, nor those $500 chrissy hammond shoes, and i will certainly die without the $300 french negligee to keep me warm (well, at least semi-clothed) at night.

and thats when i found this.

i'll be sure to remember you all when i'm lunching in paris while waiting for my geriatric texan trillionaire hubby to hurry the fuck up and die already so i can move on with my life (and the poolboy).