ode to my family
oh fuc...i mean cun...oops...dear lordy gosh darn.
several members of my conservative jewish middle class family have jumped on the blog train. they've hopped the blog express, direct to nadstown, no stops along the way.
oh fuc...i mean cun...oops...dear lordy gosh darn.
below are some of things they asked me over dinner last night. my brother-in-law's 30th birthday dinner in fact. with his grandparents. whom i suspect already think i'm a complete whoring trashhound.
"do you have to say...ahem...f-u-c-k...so much on your little website?"
"you don't really let that andrew boy touch your bosoms, DO YOU?"
"um, sweetie, about that tongue kiss with the ms fits lady. you were just making it up right? i mean, you're not a...well you can't possibly be...one of those...not that there's anything wrong with them...but you're not a...ahem...lesbian...are you?"
"and about this four way spa party you keep mentioning..."
"really darling, what kind of slutty slutface from slutsville are you?"
okay, so noone actually asked me if i'm a lesbian. and i might have made up the slutty slutface hullabaloo. but i know they were all thinking it.
is it wrong that that makes me really fucking hot?
see, i just can't help myself. i guess i really am a complete whoring trashhound.
oh fuc...i mean cun...ooops...dear lordy gosh darn.
sorry mummy. love you.
9 Comments:
Haha! Always dangerous when the family cottons onto your blog, isn't it?
My mum's great, she gets all proud and stuff about ausculture on a sporadic basis (lord knows why) but when she asked me to remind her of the address so she could pass it onto my devoutly Catholic uncles and grandmother, I had to gently remind her of my tendency to swear gratuitously.
"Oh, that's right Jessie - you do say 'cunt' a lot. Perhaps we'll just keep it our little secret."
I love my mum.
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my shitty spelling will be the death of me. anyway... my mum cannot work the VCR, let alone figure out where on the computer the internet is. so no recriminations for me when i bring the swears the fuck on.
errr.. how do your family just stumble across a blog? with the billions and billions of web pages available, chances of them cruising around and happening upon it and taking enough interest to warrant further reading and revelation are slim, to say the least.
I know my mum reads my blog. And my work mates. And ex-girlfriends. And real life friends. It's a wonder i find anything kosher to talk about. And it keeps my swearing in check. I really should've considered a nom de plume when i started the blog.
Oh, BTW, my mum reads your blog too.
The only people that read my blog are moral-less strumpets and wonton book store deviants. I like it that way.
who you calling moral-less strumpet, spaboy?
*secretly loves her new title"
wonton book store deviant?
Is that a troubled bookseller lightly fried in rice paper?
you've obviously been holding out on me vis a vis the wontons bookbook. i'm livid. i'm hungry. i'm coming in for a wonton in the morning. YOUR wontons baby.
yeah.
PS hi la nadine
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