a very bloggy holiday
there are only 4 sleeps left until i go to melbourne for the great blogger love-off. that is less than the number of fingers on my right hand (i have 3 left index fingers). that is less than the number of bruises on my legs from the evil breakdancing class from hell. that is less than the cast of 'party of five' (not counting all the extras. like hot hot hot hottie jeremy london).
now being the superficial clothes-whore that i so very much am, i am already obsessing over what i should take with me. as well as over whether or not to dye my hair. and of course over what needs waxing and just how much of it should be ripped off. okay, so i will pretty much be taking EVERYTHING I OWN, cause i can't bear the thought of what will happen if i don't take that one particular black boobie-showing top and then i end up going somewhere that DEMANDS the wearing of black boobie-showing tops just like it. imagine the horror!
but the biggest problem is that i have NO IDEA what is planned for my trip down south other than a boat ride and a monopoly marathon. and even though i know that the organisers of these events will tell me that i need not bring anything more than a positive attitude (and probably a whole lotta lube), i am now all stressy about being unprepared. and i HATE being unprepared. maybe even more than i hate being uninformed. and definitely more than i hate being undecided.
and so in desperation i turn to y'all for advice. just imagine that i'm sending out an s.o.s to the (blog)world. i'm dialing 1800 B-L-O-G H-E-L-P and holding for an operator. i'm down on my hands and knees in a french maids outfit and you're my firm (yet oh-so tender) bossman giving me orders. i'm...no wait, i think i'll leave you with that last image. i know i enjoyed it. mmm...
*reminisces*
...anyhoo, here's my question:
IF YOU WERE GOING ON A HOLIDAY TO CAVORT WITH A BUNCH OF BLOGGERS YOU'VE NEVER MET AND WHOM YOU KNOW ARE PLANNING ALL MANNER OF CRAZY SHENANIGANS BUT WHO REFUSE TO FILL YOU IN ON WHAT EXACTLY THOSE MAY BE, WHAT WOULD YOU TAKE?
think of this as one of those "if you were stuck on a deserted island, and you could only take 3 things..." type exercises. it'll be fun. and everybody likes fun, don't they?
12 Comments:
Well, for the goat sacrifice you'll need a large rubber apron and a hair net.
Otherwise think summer+alcohol: a bikini, a hat and some water/chunder proof shoes.
But it's Melbourne so you'll need plenty of thermal underwear as well and...fuck it: just bring everything.
jeez, you kids know nothing about travel! take a credit card. the rest is dealable. lube will be provided on arrival, dye your hair, don't get too much waxed off because you really can go too too paedophiliacally far with that and wear sunscreen.
bikini is a good bet for many eventualities. but then i'm sure Fits will sort you out with gingham if necessaire. so don't bother with that either, just take a really hot set of black lingerie that could be worn in spa or if going out. and heels!
heels, lingerie and a credit card. all set!
Um...you really don't need lube to play Monopoly.
Trust me, I've tried it both ways, and without is best.
I will provide drinks and snacks, and maybe even dinner.
As for the boat ride, well, that's Sheriff's department (hey! I was subconsciously hilarious right there!).
But I don't think you'll need lube for that either.
Just a healthy, open minded attitude to mutilple partners and triple penetration, while out of your mind on lack of sleep and high quality cocaine.
But who doesn't have that, right?
um, i don't think my family do. if you're reading this guys, love you all, see you at dinner friday, completely sober and with my virginity totally intact i swear. amen.
formal wear. You always have to pack formal wear, because you never know when you just might get invited to a palace or something like that, and you don't want to be under-dressed now do you? If in doubt, over-dress. Of course, this probably does mean taking everything you own, so I haven't really been that much help, have I?
*retreats to cave*
this is a big problem la nadine. after all it is fashioncity you'll be entering.
buck's right you need to cater for every possible season. and you still want to be fashionable. but not so fashionable that it looks like you've put in a lot of effort. that's not the melbourne way.
i hope i've confused you enough. i like your idea of bringing everything.
it breaks my heart to think that i probably won't see you on your southern adventure. i will be lazing around on a boat in the states east.
*sob*
*heave*
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
no real life girlie chats and hugs and bonding over good food and lots of alcomohol?
what are you gonna tell me next sugar? that santa's not a fictional character invented by coca cola to sell more of their evil yet oh so sweet product to the kiddies?
*wail*
nads, the wobble hug patent is all you need. it will solve any arguments over monopoly, and will go down a treat on a boat. also, don't forget to snap up any vintage girl sized U2 t-shirts for me, m'kay? victory rides on it!
p.s. soya lllaaaaaaaatte!
I think if you bring your beautiful smile, then that should be enough.
Seriously though, you may need the following:
1) A dropsheet
2) A solid defensive crouch
3) Several stickers for attachement to your forehead outlining where your drunken comatose body should be returned to if it is found unattended.
4) The Sherriff Protection Suit (tm)
5) A back-up jumpsuit. Any colour will do EXCEPT BRIGHT YELLOW!!!!!
If you're anything like me, you will fill up your trundle case with all the goodies you buy in Melbourne thus having no room left in your case to take back everything you own that you brought with you. Then, in a fit of frustration, you will leave all your belongings in the hotel room and take only the nice, new, shiny things home with you. Then, three months later, you will have occassion to wear your favourite item you've had for years and nothing else will do and you will remember that you left it in the hotel room and you will want to bang your head on a brick for your stupidity and lack of foresight.
Solution? Take nothing and buy it all there.
I rarely travel without a pair of Patrick Cox wannabe loafers. That's not very helpful is it.
I suck at packing, and so travel light. Good for fast escapes. Perhaps take the old show off obscure but wicked part of your music collection.
Oh and don't forget the cigarette case, the portable Vuitton brandy decanter and a big fuck off grin.
I'd also visit my dealer before going. But that's me. You and your bravery rock.
thanks for the tips kiddos!
my suitcase is looking to be pretty hefty! good thing a big handsome burly man is meeting me at the airport.
and schmitz, if i can find room for you in there, someone i know wants a date with you for xmas. and if you keep coming here and flattering me i might have to start stalking you FOR REAL.
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