house of horrors
i think i've solved the riddle. i don't know why it took me so long considering the answer has been staring me in the face this whole time. but hey, sometimes we can't see what is right in front of us. like that time i walked into a pole. except that, unlike now, i was on lots of drugs then. and possibly blindfolded. good times.
anyway, the riddle i am referring to is actually just a question. a very simple question but one that noone has been able to answer for me. and that is:
why the fuck has my luck been so appallingly bad for the past few years?
in trying to find answers i have toyed with many
then i blamed my ancestors. my family line can be easily traced back to biblical times. now, i don't think the members of my ancient clan actually built a giant cross, nor nailed anyone to it, but it is possible that they laughed and pointed at a crucial historical moment.
and then i just blamed the entire fucking world. its obviously evil and out to get me. why can't anyone else see that?
but then the other day i had an epiphany. and now, with great clarity, i know exactly where to lay the blame: on my house.
three years ago i moved to 11a b*******t street. and for the past three years i have been cunted over and over again. and not in the good new-term-for-making-hot-sex kinda way, but rather in the kill-me-now-and-burn-my-corpse-just-in-case-i'm-not-dead-yet kinda way.
and do you know what "11a" is code for? that's right, its code for 13. thir-fucking-teen. it is situated between houses 11 and 15 and it is not fooling anyone. well, it fooled me for the past three years. but not anymore. oh no. now i am wise to its evilness and i am making plans to move the hell out of here fast.
i'll see you all at the housewarming for my new place. please come to 69 goshdarngreatluckandhappytimes street on a date to be announced shortly. bring a plate. and lots of vodka.
7 Comments:
my nose just bled for the first time in 13 years. it must have coiincided with your epiphany. the spiritual connection continues....
and we've have been friends since we were 13. spooky stuff.
Was it not a stroke of superior luck that I entered your sphere?
Glass is half full, glass is half full, glass is half full (just don't take a sip!)
Apparently we have met. A friend of mine made me look at your Blog. And sure enough you had posted a small tale of a tequila induced (yet denied at the time) meeting. Since then I have quite enjoyed your stories ... but I draw a line at superstition, and I believe it can commonly be used as an excuse. Embrace your house, challenge the number 13. Take fucking control. (You may choose to use those last few lines as a mantra, but instead of saying 'your' in 'Embrace your house', say 'my'. I find this electronic story world quite fun.
welcome to this magical land of stories, cotton.
sorry about any wayward tequila that might have landed on you at the old fitz.
say hi to the schmitz for me.
xox
*whistle* stalker *whistle*
lee lee darling, don't be jealous of the fabulous writer boys.
i gots your shimmy body rolls right here baby.
mwa.
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