psychobabble

so far 2005 has seen me obsessing over 2 things:

1) making the hot sex;

2) regressing into childhood.

(n.b. i am not implying i want to do these things simultaneously, sicko).

let's break these obsessions down and find out just what's making me tick (tock tick tock) right now. come on, it'll be fun! like playing 'doctors and nurses'. or i suppose in this case 'shrinks and nutjobs'. i'll be the poor, suffering patient lying (naked) on the couch and you can be my strong, wise, naked psychologist eager to listen and drug take advantage of fuck help me.

so here goes...

obsession #1: making the hot sex

after a VERY long drought i recently returned to the world of "oooh" and "aaaah" and "oh yes" and "right there, baby" and "fuck me doctor" and "no, tighter, tie them tighter" and...well, i think you get the idea.

and now, after denying myself the pleasure of unwedded sin for so long - and almost convincing myself that i could live without it forever - it is ALL i want to do. so much so that i have been behaving somewhat out of character. for example, not only did i text the boy for whom i've been jonesing for more years than i can count, but i also got my shameless flirt on last night with a recently single FRIEND.

and i was wearing a MINISKIRT at the time. a miniskirt WITHOUT STOCKINGS! this will be a shock to those who read this that actually know me "in the flesh". cause they ain't never seen that much of my flesh before. i was however wearing underwear because i'm clumsy sometimes and i had horrible premonitions about falling over and showing the world my love curtains.

conclusion: sex = good = hunger for more = uncharacteristic behaviour = possible humiliation = WHO THE FUCK CARES? I'M BACK IN THE GAME, BABY!

diagnosis: tingly

obsession #2: regressing into childhood

while my lustiness has been reawakened, so too has my angstiness (which never really leaves me truth be told). don't worry though, i have neither written any goth poetry nor sacrificed any animals. i've just been playing boomerang with the blues and remembering a time when i didn't know what they were. a time of little lunch and opposites days and elastics and dances to rick astley songs and dreaming of being a rollerskating waitress. in other words, my childhood.

this pining for pre-adolescence began with a monopoly game with some childhood friends, and has been enhanced tenfold since i started reading this again:



i read this book about a thousand times as a youngin' and i can honestly declare that it is my FAVOURITE BOOK OF ALL TIME 4 EVA. apart from 'lolita'. which is my other FAVOURITE BOOK OF ALL TIME 4 EVA. nymphette complex much?

anyhoo, the 'mft' is a beautiful, magical tale bursting with imagination and full of valuable lessons for kinds and grown ups alike (note the chapter entitled "dick gets everyone into trouble"). if you haven't already experienced the adventures of jo, bessie, dick and fanny, with their fickle friends moonface, silky and mr. saucepan, well i suggest you go out and buy a copy right the fuck now. i dare you to hate it.

in any case, it has helped me lessen my superfluous tears for brief interludes throughout the week and i am seriously considering finding me a witchdoctor to transport me into the enchanted forrest where i can live happily ever after eating pop biscuits and sliding down a giant slippery dip.

conclusion: sookiness = going all inner = remembering the "good old days" = wishing i was 12 again = lolita complex = WHAT WAS THE QUESTION AGAIN?

diagnosis: um...

and so doctor, as you can see i'm struggling with some issues here and i desperately need you to drug take advantage of fuck help me.

*lies silently on couch waiting for "guidance"*