who wants to bury my grandpappy?

today the sydney morning herald poses that age old question that has been scratching away at the human consciousness for some time now:

"do-it-yourself wills are already widely available, so why not bury-your-own funerals?"

why not indeed?!?

according to the combined pensioners and superannuants association of nsw (just imagine the wacky, debaucherous christmas parties this lot put on), the average cost of burying a loved one has trebled in the past decade, with some urban funerals now costing as much as $7700. many funeral operators have been accused of fraudulent behaviour, inventing costs for traditionally free services (such as clergy attendance) and inflating other expenses to ridiculous levels. in response to this near crisis, the association has proposed a legislated system of diy funerals or failing this, asks that the state government provide a basic funeral service or enacts legislation forcing undertakers to provide an affordable "no-frills" service.

everyone's favourite sometime political party, the democrats, have gotten behind the idea, with nsw state leader arthur chesterfield-evans claiming that "most people could put together a team to lift a body, put [it] in a box, put [it] in the ground, or deliver it to a crematorium."

i personally can't think of a better way to mourn the loss of a close relative, friend or lover than a day spent dragging their corpse around town with a bunch of other grieving kinfolk. go team!!!

and now thanks to the folk over at channel 9, there is a new program to help you through all of your diy deposition dilemmas:

BACKYARD BURIAL BLITZ!

hosted by the master of morbidity himself (and my long-time crush), mr nick cave, this show will take you through everything you need to know to give your newly deceased the inhumation they deserve. from how to assemble your own coffin, to building a spectacular funeral pyre, to putting on the wake of the burial season, the assembled team of experts will make sure you farewell the dead in style.

also watch out for celebrity guest spots such as ben stiller's 'how to write a killer eugoogily', fred nile's 'making sure they lived a good christian heterosexual life before you waste your time burying a pansy boy' , and chopper read's 'hiding the evidence'.

tasteless? i think not.