really, really, really, really, really, really, really, ridiculously, goooood looooking.
this month's cosmo online contains an extremely comprehensive and useful list for all the little aspiring anorexic crackwhores of this world.
and thus without further ado, i present to you cosmo's guide to what an agent looks for in a model:
1) the 'it' factor
vague much?
do they mean that to make it as a model i need to possess an indefinable quality that is neither visible nor tangible but that these days seems to be only apparent in 14 year old girls with mary-kate thinness and blank canvases for faces?
or perhaps they are implying that in order to strut my stuff down the runways of milan i have to be a freaky, murderous clown that is actually a big-ass spider who lives in the sewers and haunts the minds and dreams of b-grade actors? a la my favourite stephen king movie.
cause maybe its just me, but this guy don't really look like model material:
2) natual beauty
NOT MY SPELLING MISTAKE, PEOPLE.
now i know why cosmo turned down my job application, crushing my dreams of being a serious journalist forever.
and here was i thinking it was my lack of experience that cost me the job.
damn my ability to spell! damn it to hell!
3) height is an advantage
an advantage to who?
is there an international professional model's basketball league?
is there a cat stuck in a tree on a photo shoot somewhere?
can noone else reach the carb-free, fat-free, food-free cookie jar in the agency kitchen?
and besides, everyone has height, its just that some people have it more than others.
wow, that'd make a great slogan for midgets and dwarfs and stuff. i'm so politically correct like that. and heaps deep too.
4) a bit of an actress
can you be a little more specific please?
what bit in particular will i need?
her arm? her left boob? a lock from her hair?
and what should i do with her bit once i've obtained it. stick it to my bits? pose with it for a series of tasteful nude photos?
and also, which actress should this alleged bit come from?
what if i cut up salma hayek (*drool*) only to find out that only all-american girls' body parts are acceptable? please don't make me mutilate more than one actress. i just couldn't live with the guilt.
i give up, its all too confusing. i guess i'll never be a professional model.
*cries*
*eats*
21 Comments:
Hahahahahaahah
Fucking gold. I love you.
"i'm so politically correct like that. and heaps deep too."
Damn straight!
Hee. I love you MORE!
"Is there a cat stuck up a tree?"
Heh heh.
Isn't the "It" factor just code words for being a bit shallow, dull, and mildly stupid?
I can only surmise that "it" stands for "incredibly thin". They didn't mention it elsewhere and the good folks at Cosmo don't seem to be hiring in the size 10 and over areas...
But you do have natual beauty, Nadstown. So, so natual.
i like how you boast about your spelling ability after having made a spelling mistake. it's 'further ado', not 'further adieu'.
he he, my bad.
thanks anon.
maybe i can work at cosmo after all!
*edits post*
*feels better*
*hopes anon doesn't hate her*
*sends fruit basket just in case*
Um, and 'dysfunctional' has a 'y' in it, not an 'i'. In reference to your previous post about your nephew's impending arrival.
But 'Fuck you, anonymous' is spelt perfectly.
Hahaha! That was really funny, Nadine. (and the comments were rather amusing, too)
*insert witty comment here*
so anon, you come here to read or criticise?
obviously you come often as you refer to past posts.
if you're not happy, go the fuck away.
if you are please stay, but enough with the corrections.
and if you're a certain pigtailed short-skirted spelling nazi, love you.
i'll hang around to abuse you, you monkey cunt.
as you wish, you cowardly lurker.
Oh go fuck yourself anon.
Look who cares about spelling? Let's get back to making fun of those skinny bitches who make my life a misery.
"i'll hang around to abuse you, you monkey cunt."
Brave words!
Let's play - but oh do 'fess up yer name, email and\or website - let's make it a fair match.
(ps: i would have quite liked the phrase monkey cunt had it not been directed at the beautiful, clever nadine who is so obviously not a cunt of any kind, primate or otherwise)
Someone should let bookbook know that there is an imposter using his name “who cares about spelling” are you extracting urine or superimposing sarcasm in prose? You are the most anally retentive speller I have met.
are you on drugs?
are you mental?
are you just REALLY FUCKING BORED?
please go away now.
I love an obedient anonymous.
This Agent looks for huge tits in his models.
As you were, see you saturday. *mwah*
do they mean that to make it as a model i need to possess an indefinable quality that is neither visible nor tangible but that these days seems to be only apparent in 14 year old girls with mary-kate thinness and blank canvases for faces?.
.
.
...and big hooters, yeah. You never see an A-cup on the cover of Cosmo.
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