family first

have you ever overheard a nasty conversation about yourself that was obviously not intended for your burning ears?

you know, like those scenes in movies when some poor little bugger eavesdrops on his "parents" and finds out he's adopted and is all shocked and depressed even though its bleeding obvious to everyone else because the little bugger in question is in fact black while the rest of his "family" are dead ringers for the fucking brady bunch.

no? you haven't? not ever? well, you're a lucky bastard aren't you just? huh?

i guarantee you that this is not because people don't talk about you behind your back. because they do. all the time. in fact, there are probably at least 4 people you know bitching about you RIGHT THE FUCK NOW!

cope.

i myself was privy to such a conversation several months ago. i won't go into detail because i'm over it. and by "over it", i mean i only fly into uncontrollable fits of rage once a month or so. my therapist says this means i'm "healing".

i also don't want to give the backstabbing chatterboxes in question the satisfaction of publicity. but let it be known that, despite my current care-factor reading of "almost zero", back then it really fucking hurt.

there was one particular sentence uttered during this little tête-à-tête (that i'm so totally over) that lodged in my mind like a stubborn bullet, causing thought haemorrhages to spew forth from my brain on a regular basis ever since.

he said: "she really needs to get her priorities straight."

i thought: "go to hell you cuntfaced piece of dirt, my priorities are damn straight. fo shizzle."

okay, so i didn't really think "fo shizzle" at the time, because that phrase hadn't yet entered into my everyday vernacular. but it was something along those lines.

anyway, today i am going to let you be the judge of my personal priorities scale. my priorities have changed extremely little since that cursed day last year. except for number 3, which pretty much changes daily. sometimes hourly. ooh, i think it changed just then in fact.

so these are my priorities:

1) my family - this means my wonderful mum, my beautiful sister, my devoted brother-in-law, my blessed unborn nephew and my funny little polish nanna. i would do anything for these people. ANY. FUCKING. THING.

2) my friends - who are also my family in a tree-hugging, 'central perk' hanging, beverly hills 90210: the college years, amigos para siempres kinda way.

3) fucking (insert name here) - my current choice is daniel brühl from 'the edukators'. in fact, my current choice is fucking all three hotnesses from this brilliant film. i am the first to admit the tawdry selfishness of this priority. but come on, a girl's gotta get laid. well, a girl's gotta dream about getting laid at least.

4) everything else

so people, do my priorities sound mixed up to you?