letterhead

dear natalie portman,

look at your bad self with your shaved mug.



you go girlfriend!

*snaps fingers and jolts head in the traditional stereotyped african-american style*

you look HOTT!

i always wanted to shave my head but never went through with it for the following reasons:

1) i am an incorrigible wimp;

2) my mummy wouldn't let me;

3) i believe that my regrowth would resemble an albino's pubes.

so...um...you wanna come over to my house and play 'portia and ellen'? bags me being portia.

sorry, that's probably a little too forward, huh? i mean here i am knowing heaps about you, what with you being all famous and stuff, and you probably know nothing about me. unless of course you read my blog. which is almost as unlikely as network ten paying any attention to my angry letter of complaint.

so anyway, here's a bit about me to help you in your decision:

- my name is la nadine. actually its just 'nadine', but i added the 'la' to make myself come across as a cool blogger (oxymoron much?)

- i am 23 and 10 months old. turning 24 scares me a bit. it means i have reached my mid-twenties with nothing to show for it but a few zany travel stories and some over-priced designer clothes.

- i live in sydney, australia with my mum, betty. she is wonderful. but she is very, very, VERY sick and i am very, very, very, very, VERY sad times infinity plus a gazillion.

- i am going to be an aunt in 2 months. i love babies. in an aunt's way.

- i got really drunk on saturday night and my head still goes ouchie.

- i have a friend called mike bennie. he is funny and cool and really nice. he is also friends with my friend andrew the boob toucher. he requested that i mention him on my blog. and now i have.

- i really like spicy food. really, really, REALLY spicy food. its not a meal unless water comes out of my eyes and my stomach hurts. can you say 'sado-masochist?'

- i can do the splits.

- my favourite colour is red. and black. but apparently that's not a colour. fascists.

- my favourite word is 'oligopoly'. i may call my first child 'oligopoly'. unless i have twins, in which case they will be 'bang' and 'olufsen'.

- i have a mega teenage girl type crush on your ex-boyfriend. cope.

- word has it i have great baps. i can neither confirm nor deny this rumour. but the boud did just send me photographic evidence. note to self: stop getting drunk anywhere near the boud's camera. welcome to trashtown. population: me.

so nat, (can i call you nat?) what do you say? do i sound like your type of love muffin? can you forgive my crush on your ex? can we invite him to join us some time?

or, we can just be friends if you want. that would be okay with me too cause i'm actually not that much into the whole lesbian fingerbang thing these days to tell you the truth. but its fun to play pretends sometimes, don't you think? of course you do, you're an actor. der.

please send me a signal if you're feeling my groove. like, say, give birth to a bagel-eared princess in a science geek movie with a budget that could feed a small developing nation for a year. kay?

until then, kisses. in a mate's way. or not.

la nadine

xox