ah, the serenity

so my weekend away with the fam was lovely. it was raining for the whole four days which meant we could do little more than stay inside and play board games. and i loved it!

also, you are now reading the words of the reigning c****n/r**h family trivial pursuit master and commander of the universe.

you're right, you're not worthy.

things that did or did not happen over the course of the weekend:

- i didn't have to shave my preggers sister's legs as was the threat looming over me at the start of the getaway.

- i also didn't have to deliver my nephew into the world, as was the other constant threat looming over me. thank fuck!

- i went a whole four days with neither alcohol nor cigarettes. no, we're not amish. but the pregnant one and the sick one aren't really much for making with the toxic substances.

- no make-up, no hair gel, no bra, NO WORRIES!

- i had the time and headspace to call some beautiful souls whom i have neglected over the past year due to the tyranny of insanity.

- i cried more than once when i looked over at my magical mother and knew she was silently wondering how long the calm will last before the storm returns.

- i had the best bath one can have when not on a balcony by the beach with a beautiful woman. i swear, the tub in this place was big enough for the next all-blogger spa party. well, bath party anyway.

- i got in touch with nature. including an air guitar playing kangaroo whom i named "barry".

- there was no internet access anywhere so i was forced to take a much needed break from the blogosphere. i was however a little bit anxious to be missing out on the latest tom and katie updates. but i felt confident that my sources would keep me up to date on any new developments.

- the lack of internet access however meant that i had to dictate my guest post on reasons you will hate me to poor jessculture over the phone. bless her patient little soul.

- in dictating said post to the lovely jess, my family overheard me saying "i now have no qualm about stripping naked in front of a group of near strangers, jumping in a spa and letting them tongue kiss me and touch my baps as they please". and now they keep looking at me funny.

- the lack of internet access also meant that when i returned home to my life-partner computer, some cheeky (yet devilishly handsome)bastard had stolen my idea for my next post. oh well, he did it way better than i could have anyway. funny, clever man that he is.

- i ate so much that i think i made up for all those hungry teenage years of nothing but carrot sticks and rice crackers. and just when i thought i couldn't be more depressed about my looks, a friend of mine tells me he's getting paid to get fat for a film he's about to shoot. fucking actors! they can pile on the pounds, declare its "for a film", and still get laid. well, at least my baps get bigger by the kilo, even if my purse doesn't.

- i made peace with my demons. well, maybe one or two of them. i think i'll keep the rest around for just a little while longer.

still, its good to be back home. after all, you can take me out of the city, but i'll only stay if the pubs are pumping and the boys worth jumping.

so, did you miss me?