and i'm a neurotic bitch too (please, don't hate me cause i'm generalizing)
the blogosphere has recently experienced an invasion. a new crop of bloggers have emerged, and they have made it clear that they are here to stay. but don't be alarmed, they come in peace. i think.
they are sydney actors, and it seems that some of them have worked out how to use the internet for more than googling themselves in a narcissistic frenzy of confidence boosting. ("i am famous! see, there i am in that film still behind the guy who's behind the girl who's standing next to hugo weaving").
it started with the schmitz, who stumbled upon nadstown during a spot of self-googlage, and decided to stay despite my unabashed stalking of him and my incessant desire to make him into an eastern european-style sandwich. then came the delightful cotton who after some initial teething problems has become quite the diligent and masterful blogger of late. and most recently we have been joined by my beloved roguey and the almost naked darcy, who are currently embroiled in a heated chicken/egg type debate over which of them blogged first. whatevs.
now, for awhile there i was skeptical. "will these attention whores stop at nothing for some free publicity?" i asked myself. but now i have had the pleasure of meeting almost all of these smart, multi-talented HOTNESSES and now...
I WANNA BE A BLOGTOR TOO!
(look johnny, mummy coined a phrase!)
however i am going to have to do this in reverse order, being already a blogger, but not an actor. i gave up that dream many years ago, when - on stage mind you - i realised i really didn't like being looked at. but i am willing to reignite my thespian flame in order to fit in with this new wacky crowd i am running with.
and besides, i am so totally actress material.
what's that? you doubt me do you? well here's your proof then, bee-atch:
REASONS I HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO BE AN ACTRESS
- i love talking about myself.
- i am totally insecure about my body and looks.
- i am a very good waitress.
- i have a therapist.
- some of my best friends are anti-depressants.
- i've had "work done" (tonsil removal counts, right?).
- there is tragedy in my life. oprah and i will have lots to talk about.
- i've done charity work for a cambodian orphanage. its the new black.
- i know people who know people in the industry.
- i am willing to sleep my way to the top. hell, even the middle will do.
- i'll do older men, i'll do younger men, or i'll "vow to stay a virgin until i'm married". whatever it takes to keep my name in nw each week.
- oh, and those 8 years of drama school. i guess that might help too.
so kids, here i go. i'm off to find me an agent.
*gets headshots taken*
*freaks out*
*remembers why she gave up the dream in the first place*
*gives up the dream again*
*embraces medicocre existence away from the spotlight*
*googles self*
11 Comments:
Yes, but can you balance a jug of beer between your baps?
Balancing beer between your baps is the new "talent".
Just ask Michelle from BB.
i can't believe you even begin to doubt me, cynic.
did i mention i can do a tequila shot from between my baps without using my hands?
well, i can.
high quality arthouse films, here i come.
did i mention i can do a tequila shot from between my baps without using my hands?
*gently pats casting couch*
I gotsa great role for you, baby. A great, great role. How bad do you want it?
oh, jess, thank you for implying that there may be even a hint of dignity left in my corrupted soul that would prevent me from doing whatever it takes to get the job.
of course we all know i have no dignity left to speak of.
*lines up shot glasses*
If you can sit on your arse for 48 weeks of the year and still 'think you have what it takes and that it is the industry that has the problem not me, and not worry about actually contributing anything to the world because you are a self indulgent arrogant pig', then you too can enjoy the rich spoils of scmacting and be just like me!
*Googles name*
can i? can i really be just like you, roguey?
*blog whores*
*downloads porn*
*watches football*
*blogs*
I'm a shit waitress. You got one up on me babe. Go for it!
you called me "babe".
*tingles*
Two chix gettin it on. Wicked!
But are you the state champion of everything? and are you getting offers for Maclouds Daughters and films that Naomi Watts passed up..?? Are ya? Are ya?
Well Gianna Is..
Yes.. The pain of Acting... after staying at home and not working for months.. I am still bitching about Gianna... So 2 weeks ago, So 2 weeks ago..
Au contraire Sass. Personally I find that bitching about Gianna NEVER gets old.
But then, I AM a sourpuss with no frickin' life.
Damn you, University. Damn you to Hell.
Excuse me whilst I have an aneurism.
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