la nadine: a collection of my early works

(before i write today's post, i would just like to send a very huge, very LOUD shout out to all the ladies who graciously participated in yesterday's 'simultaneous blog discourse'. thank you to this most carefully selected group of my favourite women for lending their time and wits to 'the cause'. big ups yourselves, sisters. it will hopefully be the first of many coordinated lady-blogger efforts to come. cope.

and while i'm at it here's to mr. r. maze, who last night held his head high and his spirits jovial even after his hopes and dreams were sodomised on a football field in queensland. better luck next year, loser sweetheart.)

x

and now to the task at hand.

yesterday my beautiful mother gave me a package.

"WOW, LA NADINE, THAT'S LIKE TOTALLY AMAZING!"

shut up, haters. your base sarcasm is not welcome here. please leave now.

so anyway, the package contained several cardboard-covered booklets with snappy titles and exquisite illustrations. were it not for the writing on the envelope - 'nadine's primary school stories' - i would have mistaken them for classic works of literature.

so last night when i got home from the boozefest that was my night-o-origin, i started reading through the booklets. they were mainly from the years 1988 and 1989, when i was but a wee lass of seven and eight years old. some of them i remembered writing, some of them were a complete surprise. but all were obviously the works of a literary master in training. i.e. me.

there were original works such as the dark and hauntingly beautiful 'one dark stormy night'. and also lighter, romantic comedies such as 'why i love chips' and 'white wine the elf'. there were also a few tributes to the great classics among them 'peter pan' and 'the secret garden', the latter for which i received the highest of honours in primary school fiction-writing: the coveted 'excellent' crocodile stamp.

and now i would like to share one of these works of genius with you. it is a tragedy, a painful tale of war and loss, as seen through the eyes of a privileged child who at the time of penning had never even seen a gun. also, i feel that it can be read as a portend of my future life as a dedicated member of the anti-war latte left. just as 'white wine the elf' was quite obviously an omen of my future life as a dedicated alcoholic.

so without further ado, here 'tis, uncensored and unedited:

'world war one'

(written and illustrated by nadine *****

published by the ***** primary school publishing house

16th june, 1989)

chapter 1: world war one

the people came with all their guns,
and loaded bullets one by one.

they were ready to fight both night and day.
till the very day came when they discovered it was the beginning of world war one.

the children,
the parents,
the grandmas.

and all began fighting for their countries.
they didn't care that they were small.

i became very scared and my parents hid me in the land of the pharoahs.
i couldn't get free.

my parents came at least once a month with an apple pie and a sugar cream bun,
till four years later they told me it was the end, the end, the end.

chapter 2: world war two

three years later it started again.
it went for years and years on end.

I HATE THE WAR.

its such a bore.

my mother and father got killed in the end.
i got very sad and went to bad.

chapter three: world war three.

let's hope there's not one.

the end.

copyright la nadine enterprises pty ltd 1989