who's afraid of la nadine?
on the weekend i ran into a boy i know. this boy was once a "maybe", who for some reason never became a "yes". i was never quite sure exactly what happened, but after a few pashes and some rather heated text exchanges, he went awol.
so i saw him in a bar in the wee hours of sunday morning, and felt much "confliction" over whether or not to go over and
i settled for sitting 2 metres away from him and his friends so that he would notice me and it would be his move to come over or not.
it worked.
so he comes over and babbles some crap about how good i look while touching my new top like a retarded child would a pussycat ("tho purrdy").
and then he says to me:
"so, how come we never got together?"
at this point i would like to take the opportunity to apologise to the lovely jessculture for spitting beer all over her as i reeled in shock from this most ludicrous of questions.
jess: i'm sorry darling girl, i promise to make it up to you in a way of your choosing soon.
so anyway, when i recovered from the impact of his pathetic attempt at naivete, i replied:
"well mate, you stopped responding to my messages. that's kinda gonna kill a thing".
and the boy had the audacity to deny this most undeniable turn of events. eventually however - after i loudly called him a liar and laughed at his attempts to win me over with his vomitous puppy dog eyes - he was forced to concede the truth to my argument.
and his defense:
"well, you scared me a bit. i've never met a girl as forward as you before. nor as hot, intelligent and funny*. you're hardcore."
(*parts of this conversation may be exaggerated for dramatic effect. cope.)
"hardcore?"
"HARDCORE?"
WHAT THE FUCK?!?
apparently the poor liddle baby got frightened by the big, scary lady with the big baps and curly hair.
apparently honesty is considered "a bit full on" these days. spare me.
he even went as far as to tell me its "okay" that i'm forward.
OF COURSE ITS FUCKING OKAY!
FUCK ME DEAD!
so anyway, the outcome of this amusing interchange was thus:
1) i was damned if i was going to let him kiss me goodbye;
and,
2) he is welcome to call me should he decide he is interested enough to handle my "scary" nature.
and if he can't, his loss. plenty more penis in the sea.
14 Comments:
I don't think you should give this fella any opportunity at all. He sounds full of piss and wind, I'll presume you know what that means cos you do seem like a smart lady. He's a liar, and a fool. I've met enough of those people in me time to know that it's not worth it. I have to say that I sense love for you. Just around the corner.
Glad you liked the play. Thanks for taking the time to read it. Looks like melbourne girl spilled the beans on your little plan. I have beaten you to it I'm afraid, I am superior.
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha (cough) ha ha (cough cough choke) ahem.
Listen to Dad, Nads. He's totally right. Don't let the lying prat within ten feet of your aura ever again. There is, as you say, soooo much penis in the sea. And lovely, slightly knobbly, doting penis at that.
cotton: i am confuse-ed. who told you?
melbourne girl our mutual HOT friend?
or melbournegirl the blogger who doesn't like white shoes?
answer me boy, or NO SOUP FOR YOU!
A man who is intimidated by you Nadine is either awestruck or retarded.
i am so glad you are back, you hot-lipped vixen woman.
never leave me again.
I think this guy is gay. I had similar episode in neighbours where I was hitting on Mrs Kennedy and she told me I was too full on. she just doesn't get it. She's from planet Lesbos anyway.
I saw the whole thing.
His tongue rolled out of his mouth, his eyes bulged in visual delight, his pants rose a little and he could barely string words together.
Oh yes.
He wanted her. Badly.
And Nads, you can make it up to me in *that way*. As agreed to in our contract x
GAH! Clearly not man enough. Hardcore shmardcore. Why the pathetic attempts to curry your favour?
He is saying "I was too pissweak and intellectually challenged by you to maintain e-contact, and now when backed into a corner by my own slackness/retardedness I'll have to say it was because you're some kind of stiletto weilding vagina dentata".
Definitely his loss. Men are such pussies.
Every time you use the word "bap" I feel like cutting them open and spreading them with Vegemite and a slice of cheese. Surely there's another word. Like...milky mummas. OK I might stop now.
Is it wrong to think that floured bread rolls from Bakers Delight are lurking within the cleavage of every well endowed woman?
Nads - in the words of Toni Braxton, he wasn't man enough for you.
this is white-shoe-hating melbgirl here. obviously different to the HOT melbgirl. i didn't spill the beans to cotton directly. i mentioned it on father's blog, but i didn't say anything that isn't already up on your friday blog, la nadine.
[feels bad]
[goes quiet]
[withdraws from soup off]
Yeah plenty more "fish" in the sea. But most of them are gropers.
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