in a mates way. or not.
i'm not getting "any" at the moment.
nor do i have any prospects of such.
nor is there anyone keeping me awake at night as i fantasize about what we would do to each other (in a spa) if only he'd notice i was alive.
nope. all i have to go on right now is the occasional spot of text love from a boy i won't see for another 3 months who has thus far proven himself to be not at all worth waiting for.
now, being that i am the perennial single gal, i am quite adept at surviving extended periods of drought. as long as i've got a good bottle of red and some rechargeable batteries, i'm as happy as...well...larry. whoever the fuck he is.
does anyone actually know who the hell this larry person is and why he's so fucking happy all the time?
so anyway, it seems that recently my subconscious is much hornier than my conscious self, if my recent run of sex dreams are anything to go by. these dreams have been rather full on, to put it mildly.
alright, to be completely frank (do you suppose frank is friends with larry?), i don't know if the sorts of sexual activities my subconscious has me participating in are even possible. or legal for that matter.
and i'm really starting to worry.
don't get me wrong, people, i love a good sex dream as much as the next gal.
its just that...well...all the lead male roles in my sex dreams lately have been played by my friends. my close male friends. my close male friends whom i drink beer with and joke around with and whom i would never, ever want to exchange bodily fluids with unless for some reason lives would be saved or wars would be ended.
not that they're not all hot pieces of man candy. because they are. they're all fuck-me-sideways gorgeous, both inside and out. and if my dreams are anything to go by (which they are) they are all INCREDIBLE lovers. but they're my mates. and i don't shag my mates. any more.
*shudders*
the thing is, i like waking up from my sex dreams feeling all light and frothy and damp and smiley. i DO NOT enjoy waking up from a night of subconscious romping shaking in horrified disbelief and wondering whether i have the tinglies for the boy next door.*
so the way i see it is i have two options:
1) get me some soon.
2) get me some RIGHT THE FUCK NOW!
okay, so maybe that's just one option. whatevs.
hmmm...i wonder if larry has any hot friends...
*this is a figure of speech. there is no actual boy next door. well, there is a boy who lives next door, but he's four. and if i ever dreamt about him i think i'd have to kill myself.
26 Comments:
maybe it's the larry guy who does price is right. he's pretty chirpy.
I'm getting so many ads in my blog at the moment. about ceiling fans and things i have no use for.
let's go for drink soon.
my beautiful late grandmother always wanted me to marry larry emdur.
good jewish boy that he is.
drink yes. soon yes.
football club on saturday night this week.
Worst is when you run into them the morning after. And look them in the eye. And then briefly wonder/remember just how damn good it was. And try to find a reason to explain why you're making the shudder of wrongness (it helps if there are badly dressed/haired people around ie mullet with camel-toe leggings).
I love that, although we haven't been much in contact lately, we're still living in parallel universes.
I'm having sexual dreams about Larry Emdur too.
Hold up. Wait. No. That's not what I meant. Just sexual dreams. But not about Larry. And not about my mates.
ah, lovely cynic.
you know as well as i that absence only makes our bond grow stronger.
the couch awaits...
It's surely not Larry Sanders.
Here's an idea: a three way between Larry and frank. frank is bound to be perfectly honest about what he thinks of your moves and the shape of your breasts etc. so you'll probably learn a thing or two from him, whilst Larry will just enjoy everything you do and will make you feel a million dollars.
Do it.
*starts pouring through phone book for franks and Larry's in Sydney*
What? I thought (or at least was hoping) that I was keeping you awake at night as you were fantasizing about we would do to each other.
Oh well, there goes all my dreams and hopes for a better future.....
*offers assortment of funny, good looking, single male friends*
(got any for me?)
nads,
i do ponder how hot babes like your good self and the Clembot can be short on man action.
although i am beginning to wonder about the Australian man factor tho'.
i'm a Melbournite & most of the time i feel the same way you do, however.... i'm currently in the midst of a 3 month stint in New York and over here the blokes are not backward in coming forward.
i even got hit on by a Mormon lawyer from Texas at 6.30am while jogging round Central Park.
these men are total goers. a girl can get herself some action here any night of the week without even trying. seriously.
sure, most of these guys won't be keepers but they're certainly respectible, some of 'em downright delicious in fact.
sorry... i realise a trip to NYC probably isn't on the cards at the moment so this won't be helping your current situation.
just wanted to let you know that there are places in the world where your innate sex godess status would not be subject to the criminal neglect currently being committed by the male populus of Sydney.
She's not going anywhere.
We need her in Sydney too much.
*goes through address book looking for eligible sex-god friends*
Hello, have I stumbled in to the wrong place?
I was looking for 'The Baps Queen', who was strongly recommended to me by many a lucky man.
They said we would suit each other greatly, for you are fine and I am delicious.
I look forward to hearing from you. I hope you'll agree that I have a lovely smile.
well, mr. sex god, i am LOCO for men in glasses.
and from your photo i can see that you do possess a certain je ne sais pas.
if you answer the following questions to my liking, i may let you slip one in.
1) favourite book/s?
2) jennifer or angelina?
3) ready. steady. cook? what le fuck?
1) The Koran.
2) I'm more of an Edna from A Country Practice man, myself.
3) I watch it every day - and now with the special celebrity edition at night, I have a boner twice a day! Imagine! (No, really - imagine me with a boner.) Anyway, it teaches me stuff I never knew. Not about cooking. Screw cooking. Cooking is women's work anyway. It teaches me that Hotdogs' name is actually Simon and Andrew G is a big girl and Tim had better win it tonight or I'm going to hunt those Logan boys down and cut off the testicle they time-share between each other!
Ahem. So how about it?
Wanna pump me, nice an' hard?
Oops! Did I say 'Edna'? I meant, of course, 'Esme'.
hmmm...
although i am unimpressed with your debasing of women for cheap laughs, you have almost totally redeemed yourself with this gem:
tim had better win it tonight or I'm going to hunt those Logan boys down and cut off the testicle they time-share between each other!
i'm still not convinced though...
Forgive me, I meant no offense.
I sense that irrevocable damage is done, however, so I will now fly - never to return again. Goodbye, my sweet. You will ne'er hear from me anon. (No wonder you're having no luck with men!)
Au revoir!
(See? I speak French! Now imagine me kissing the same way!)
No, really - imagine sloppy tongue-kissing me.
Hey there, Good Lookin'.
My friend Sex God sent me your way.
He said that you and me might be interested in hookin' up.
So how 'bout it? Wanna play tonsil-tango and other interesting women-only sports?
*belch*
Oooh, er ... excuse me.
*has nothing*
Mum!!
Stop embarrassing me. Leave La Nadine alone.
*gives some any*
i think if you did have a gang bang with larry and his mates it would be with curly and moe, and to a lesser extent shemp.
I read your blog all the time, but have never commented. I am flattered that you dream of me and I have to admit I dream of you too. Good night, your 'mate'...
that's just cruel.
now i'm gonna be wondering who you are.
and also if you actually exist or if you're another figment of someone's imagination.
hmmm...
You know me from your dream (I hope). This is not the place to talk, I will see you soon. x
i repeat, hmmm...
larry is an old adventure game character, aka larry the lounge lizzard. back in the 80's sierra made a series of them, the purpose of the game was to get the guy laid. particularly cheesy lines he had, too.
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