my goat is got, my butter is churned
it may shock a lot of you to know that i have a day job.
those shocked among you will now be thinking to yourselves:
"what le fuck? she doesn't get paid to spend all day sitting in front of the computer thinking up new ways to entertain us/touch us in our special places?"
no, no i don't. i may do so one day. and that day may be quite soon. but for now i still have to sell my soul for a salary 4 days a week.*
i won't bore you with the details of my job because, well, the details of my job are REALLY FUCKING BORING.
suffice to say this job is neither my passion nor my pride, but it pays the bills while i pursue my dreams -
of course it could be worse. at least i'm not a battery chicken. or worse still...an unemployed actor.
anyhoo - fuck i go off on tangents don't i? - today i got an email from a client. this is not weird nor wrong on principle, as i get emails from clients daily. hourly actually. and i prefer it to having to speak to the miserable fuckers on the phone.
but this particular email contained the WORST FUCKING METAPHOR I HAVE EVER SEEN!
i am shocked, appalled, disgusted, horrified, sickened, and all other words that mean disturbed.
this be why:
"i am terrified because my second submission is stillborn."
WTF?!?
since when is "stillborn" a reasonable expression for writer's block? since when is "stillborn" a reasonable expression for anything other than the unfortunate loss of an unborn child?
suppose i had had a miscarriage recently and received this fruity piece of crap email today? how the fuck would i have felt then?
i mean, i'm angry enough as it is and i have never even been pregnant.
and another thing - while i'm ranting - terrified?!? she's "terrified" about her submission being late? what does she think is going to happen? that i'm going to hunt her down and torture her sadistically with steak knives until she produces another piece of work?
FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!!
drama queen much?
i'm not loving people much today.
somebody please give me a reason to love again.
x
* (disclaimer: anyone wanting to pay la nadine to spend all day sitting in front of the computer thinking up new ways to entertain/touch people in their special places should email her, STAT!)**
** (disclaimer about the disclaimer: anyone wanting to pay la nadine just to touch them in their special places should
12 Comments:
Excellent! Another addition to my daily blog procrastination circuit - writing theses is for wusses!
Fuck em all. Actually i've got some knives if you wanna use them.
She should have aborted that email before she hit send.
ARGH SORRY SORRY SORRY!
Let's hunt her for sport. Then she'll have a vastly improved grip on the meaning of "terrified".
Hi La Nadine. I love you La Nadine.
ah, beautiful ukelele, thank you.
now i have a reason to love again.
Might I be so bold as to suggest writing back to this poor, misguided soul, calmly explaining that you have in fact recently suffered through the untimely passing of you unborn child and that such grotesque metaphors simply detract from the human condition. Alternatively, I also have a set of knives that could be used for dismemberment. SAAK
I must agree with Anonymous. (Nice name, Anonymous - is it French?)
As I read through your post, two things occurred to me. In order, they were:
(a) Tell the horrible person that you've recently suffered from a miscarriage and see if that doesn't open his eyes; and
(b) What??! It was a WOMAN who said that??!?!
I was seriously shocked to see that it was a female writing those words to you. For some reason, I just assumed as I read your post that it could only have been a man who would be that insensitive, thoughtless and stupid.
The mind boggles, and it's a totally unacceptable metaphor to email someone, no matter who it is.
Don't let it slide, Nads. Think of the children.
WON'T SOMEBODY PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!!
Don't lose the love! Think of doughnuts... they are the answer.
surely my conversion to Judaism for the love of Nadstown is worthy of a smile?
Seems fine to me.
anonymous #1: not only is your conversion to judaism for my love worthy of a smile, it might just score you a bap squeeze too.
anonyomus #2: what a waste of time that comment was. for both of us.
Post a Comment
<< Home