this one's for the voice of god (aka 'he who keeps getting all up in my kool-aid')
i'm rather busy, but some pushy fuckers (you know who you are) keep demanding i post today.
and so i present you with a hilarious excerpt from a geoffrey robertson hypothetical aired recently on the sunday program.
from 'australia under attack':
geoffrey robertson: tony abbott, you're doing the john howard memorial jog around kirribilli. you see someone who looks like a muslim videoing the british consulate. would you think of ringing the national security hotline?
tony abbott: i don't know that i would be in any position to make those sorts of judgments.
geoffrey robertson: well, you jog around kirribilli house and five minutes later he is still videoing the british consulate. would you think of ringing the security hotline?
tony abbott: maybe. i don't know.
geoffrey robertson: do you know the number of the security hotline?
tony abbott: i could probably ring 12456 and ask them for it.
geoffrey robertson: garry linnell will tell you the number of the security hotline. you meet him jogging around the other way. he has it on his fridge.
garry linnell: i have indeed. it starts with 1800.
geoffrey robertson: and how does it go on after that?
garry linnell: it's still on the fridge.
geoffrey robertson: catriona rowntree, you're at the chemist nearby. you're buying some moustache remover. you notice the woman ahead of you in the queue who is wearing a hijab is buying some hydrogen peroxide. it could be for gum problems. could be for ...
catriona rowntree: her moustache.
geoffrey robertson: absolutely. it could be for a bomb. do you ring the security hotline? she's bought four bottles.
catriona rowntree: no, i doubt i would.
geoffrey robertson: how many bottles of hydrogen peroxide would she have to buy before you would ring the security hotline?
catriona rowntree: possibly 10. possibly 10.
geoffrey robertson: and you know the number?
catriona rowntree: oh, i'm definitely 12456 all the time so it wouldn't be too difficult to obtain.
geoffrey robertson: do you know the number of the national security hotline?
brian houston: no, i don't know the number of the national security hotline.
geoffrey robertson: do you know the number of the national security hotline?
richard butler: no.
geoffrey robertson: do you know the number of the national security hotline? do you?
natasha stott despoja: sent the fridge magnet back to howard.
geoffrey robertson: australia has spent millions and millions advertising the security hotline. no-one knows the number.
paul mckinnon: how long does it take? it is in the front of every phone book.
geoffrey robertson: do you know it?
paul mckinnon: no.
x
i'll post something of my own soon.
for now just sit back and enjoy the image of catriona "jizz eye" rowntree sitting at home in her floral nightie, dying her moustache blonde and wondering if anyone will ever take her seriously again.
i know i will.
12 Comments:
where does the 'jizz eye' nickname come from? do you know something i don't?
Bravo, dear servant of God. Bravo.
FYI - Catriona's cobweb mouth had us in stiches up here for what felt like an eternity. We kept going back in time and rewatching it over and over again!
And Nat Stott-Despoja's gonna fit in quite nicely up here. We can throw eggs at Meg Lee.
i think miss jessculture needs to field all questions relating to catriona rowntree and the jizz eye incident.
are you there jessamie?
the voice of god and i need your help.
yes i would like to know about the jizzy eye
also, once i rang 000 to report that there were many planes flying over my house in st kilda at 5.30am on a sunday morning. yes, i freaked out a bit but it was during the year post sept 11. i got onto a cop and he said to me [this is for real]:
don't worry about it unless they are coming through your roof
ha-HA (like Simpson kid)
The term "jizz eye" refers to what happens after a man squirts his love-broth into his beloveds open eye socket.
The receiving party tends to pull a shocked face, open and close their eye in a confused, half-blind fashion and I have been informed by sources that the experience is rather unpleasant and painful.
As to how the term "jizz eye" relates to Catriona Rowntree? I can say nothing unless we're out drinking. But I urge you to track down the video footage.
Next week's lesson? Cobweb mouth!
Thank you thank you thank you.
- barista
Why did they put Catriona on? Was she supposed to represent normal people?
Oh, my God, this blog is fantastic.
barista: i think perhaps catriona was there to represent the special elememts of australian society.
and by "special", i mean talentless fame-chasers.
matt: um...ta...
someone wants to jizz on her face.
Yeah. This blog is Jizztastic.
sherriff: no you are.
observer: who be-eth this "her" to whom you refer?
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