patrick the wonder boy

so i'm at dinner the other night, full of red wine and good food and surrounded by beautiful brainiacs, when suddenly my phone goes "BEEP BEEP'.

and then, immediately after, it made with the 'BEEP BEEP' again.

"i'm just sooooooooooo popular," i remarked hilariously to my companions as i retrieved the texts.

both texts had come from the same phone number, a number i did not recognise. and both were exactly the same.

this is what they said:

"hi its of patrick do you want to ge out don't tell anyone at cadets"

due to my astounding wit, i was able to deduce that without the atrocious spelling and complete lack of punctuation the sender of these texts actually meant this:

"hi its ME patrick. Do you want to GO out? Don't tell anyone at cadets."

WTF?!?

CADETS?!?

bitch, please!

on the insistence of my dinner companions (did i mention they were all insanely hot and incredibly smart?) i replied to patrick's text.

"who are you?"

i asked.

"who this?"

he replied.

and although his stunning way with words was getting me a bit hot "down there", i decided i couldn't be fucked continuing with the conversation.

and it seemed that patrick had given up as well, as my phone lay textless on the table.

but then, about an hour later, my phone started ringing.

"i'm just sooooooooooo popular," i remarked hilariously again as i answered the call.

well fuck me sideways, i thought.

it was patrick! calling me! on the telemaphone!

this was the gist of our (amazing) exchange:

me: hello?

patty: hallo?

me: you called me mate.

patty: oh, yeah, um, i think i got the wrong number.

me: it would seem so.

patty: okay, bye.

me: goodbye patrick.

can you feel the sexual tension? CAN YOU?

after the hottest phone call ever i continued on my merry way, eating, drinking and ogling my companions, and forgot all about patrick.

until...

'BEEP BEEP'.

"i'm sooooo..."

oh fuck it, this was the text:

"look, you sound hot, but i don't know your name".

you just gotta give the boy props for trying.

at the insistence of my friends and my wine-fuelled brain i played along some more:

"age? location?"

to which he replied:

"18. cairns. you?"

i was very tempted to take the gorgeous genny b's advice and respond to this with "double d. cans." (get it? he said "cairns". i have big cans. ha ha ha ha ha.)

but instead i took the high road:

"too old for you mate. sydney."

and apparently young patty doesn't like older women because he was never to be heard from again.

pity that.

*books ticket to cairns*