worst. cab ride. ever.
on saturday night i decided to be mature and responsible and go home before the stroke of midnight.
knowing that i had a lot of work to do yesterday (i am like, sooooooo busy right now), i forced myself into a cab and away from the lurid temptations of boys and booze.
but just as the cab pulled away from the curb there was a knock on the window and two girls were making with the 'roll your window down' hand gestures.
this is not going to turn into a 'taxicab confessions'-style hot lez threesome story. sorry sherriff.
i told the driver to stop and asked the girls what i could do for them.
"where are you going?" asked the more upright of the two.
"**** ***." i replied.
"my friend here lives in ********, can you drop her home on the way?"
"why not?" i said.
and those two small, monosyllabic words were to be the cursed ruining of my planned early night.
10 minutes into the journey a whimpering voice from the backseat struggled to vocalise the words "pull...over...now...i'm...sick".
"STOP, SHE'S GOING TO SPEW!" i yelled, possibly unnecessarily loudly in the cab driver's direction.
"she'll have to pay if she vomits in the car" said the cab driver, in all his scottishness.
and so the girl stumbled out of the car and stood standing over the gutter waiting for the magic to happen and free her stomach of its hostile squatters.
we waited. and waited. and waited some more.
but nothing came. and so we all got back into the cab and went on our not-so-merry way.
apparently the cabbie thought this the perfect time to tell me a tale of a drunk girl he once picked up in the cab who was found dead a few days later. apparently they never caught the guy who did it.
"OH FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!" went my inner voices. all eight of them.
anyway, we managed to travel along uninterrupted for a whole five minutes before the whimpering voice again urged us to pull over again so she could purge herself of the devil's drink.
she purged. and purged. and purged some more.
and just when i thought my night couldn't possibly get any better, along came a policeman demanding to know why i would let my friend get to such a state.
"i've never seen this person before in my life," i protested. "her friends dumped her on me at the pub."
he didn't buy it, but left me alone with the homicidal scottish cabbie to deal with the situation. but not before i had made certain that both mine and psycho-cabbie's faces were imprinted in his memory, lest i turn up dead on sunday.
good times.
anyway, eventually i made it home, alive and unharmed, and vowing to myself never to agree to split a cab with a stranger EVER AGAIN!
14 Comments:
That'll learn ya to curb your generous nature, FREAK.
I found that story rather taxiing. Don't you just hate scabs who want to piggyback on your fare!
That is all. Sherriff?
That's all very well and good, La Nadine, but did you swap phone numbers so you could go out together again next weekend?
I mean, you may have been strangers before your taxi ride, but now you've witnessed her churning her guts up, you guys are practically life-long buddies!
Oh, and I thought the whole story was a little over the silvertop.
There's some weird Saturn-return thing going on with taxis at the moment. Someone should research it.
You poor thing! At least you're not a sympathetic vomiter like me. The lesson of the story - No good deed goes unpunished!
Look, Nads was just trying to be fare, and you all come in here with your rank accusations...which are sure to take their toll.
Sir Charge?
I got nothing.
That's a shame La Nadine, saying never may driver wedge between you and your fans. (come on driver wedge, drive a wedge, give me a break it’s my first pun attempt).
creepy taxi drivers, gotta love em. I know I was just bursting with fun when one jokingly started telling a friend and I how he had gone to jail for rape once...but the girl had really wanted it. My friend was dropped off first. She was so freaked out that my phone was already ringing before I walked through my front door. Gotta love those creepy taxi men Uh not, maybe Sublime-action has a good point there.
I am glad to hear that someone has had a worse cab experience than me! Mine are always bad. Always. The last three of smelt like: Bad breathe so foul it filled the entire cab therefore not allowing me to breathe from Crows Nest to Maroubra, the next was B.O. Same story, Saturday night was curry farts. Fuckin digusting.
I offered to share a cab with a stranger at the tram stop the other day when our tram refused to turn up. We were talking before I offer to split a cab and she turned me down like I was some freak. Perhaps it was for the best.
I was just saying yesterday that the best thing about living and working in the same state is not having to deal with the taxi phenomenon on a regular basis.
I had one dude who was autistic and grumpy, one that took each corner on two wheels, one that did 68kph on the freeway and still nearly managed to crash a few times and my favourite who read out bits from the bible while he was driving.
I think I have taxi baggage, seriously.
i hope you made her pay the whole fare... after all that trauma you deserve a free cab ride.
Nads, sorry to hear that. you should have hung around! the kids got loose and restless. much fun was had by all.
hope to see you this weekend.
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