ain't no sunshine

10 things i hate about jessculture's interstate move:

1) no longer shall i watch her imbibe bowls (yes, BOWLS!) of coffee as we sit for hours in her favourite couch-filled cafe.

2) who else will serenade me with 'roxanne' and 'i touch myself' at the karaoke joint, the pub, the supermarket, my car, etc?

3) three words: hot lesbian love um...that was all i had.

4) she will no doubt find instant fame and fortune in her adopted city, and will in turn forget all about li'l ol' me and our plans for world domination/joint creative ventures.

5) who will go with me to sexpo next year and entertain me by making the funnies and putting her fingers in places they probably shouldn't go?

6) there sure as hell ain't nobody else in this whole town who will accompany me on a 3 hour drive (there AND back) for a 2 hour visit to a friend of mine in the country whom they have never met.

7) i will miss the feeling that my stomach is about to burst open and spew forth my innards because the funniest woman i have ever met* is regaling me with yet another hilarious tale.

*i.e. YOU, jessculture.

8) who else will send me hilarious text messages to brighten my day and moisten my thighs?

(and before any of you wise-asses pipe in with "but la nadine she can still text you. she's not moving to antarctica, stupid. ha ha ha ha", i am FULLY AWARE that she can still text me from her new home. but it just won't be the same.)

9) moving to ******** to pursue creative success and tongue kiss the locals was my dream. MINE I SAY!!!

10) people will stop inviting me places now that miss jess can't come with me.

and now for the customary nadstown farewell country love ballad, rewritten each time a friend departs these shores.

this time it is entitled: "bye bye baps mcgillicutty".

i met her at a nerdfest sometime last year,
she kept trying to feel me up and grope my bits.
i thought: "who is this busty wench i see here?"
while daniel boud took photos of our tits.

we soon became great friends, almost like sisters,
although sisters aren't supposed to touch "like that".
she took me to the zoo, it gave me blisters,
and daniel boud took photos of our baps.

in leaving here a piece of me goes with her,
to keep her company where next she nests.
and if not before i'll see her for the new year,
and daniel boud will take photos of our breasts.

bye gorgeous woman, i will miss you much.

x