puttin' the 'sex' in 'dyslexic'.
in the pre-dawn hours of last saturday morning i received a text message from a boy with whom i used to make the hot sex.
this is what it said:
"ift u wnt v bot gt to ftnj md".
WTF?!?
was he drunk? high? stoned?
had he fallen into a k-hole?
was he practicing his russian?
had he forgotten to turn on predictive text on his phone?
did he get dropped on his head as a baby, only to suffer the consequences 27 years later?
the possibilities were endless. ENDLESS!
and i was perplexed.
of course i got the gist of the text, not from decoding the "words", but rather due to my superior powers of deduction. ain't no boy ever texted me at 2am wanting a friendly cup of tea and a chat! especially not this particular boy.
also, several coherent text messages followed, leaving me with little doubt as to what the randy drunkard wanted*.
but i still had to know exactly what that first sms said. i'm annoying like that. cope.
so i texted the boy on saturday evening and asked him what the fuck he had been trying to say. but the lousy bastard never replied.
grrrrrr...
eventually however, with a little help from my friends, i finally figured it out. i think.
and now its your turn.
what do you think the text message says?
prizes** for the most imaginative guesses.
*they also left me kinda hot.
**and by 'prizes' i mean 'kudos'.
13 Comments:
"ift u wnt v bot gt to ftnj md"
If you type that with predictive text on you get:
"Get t you x ant it to funk me"
It gets hotter if you option other words. Gist gotten. Did you funk him then?
Maybe "if you want a bit got to find me"?
nice work. both of you.
fluffy, i am picturing you sitting on your bed with your laptop, entering the text from the screen into your phone. and i love it!
and no, there was no funking.
Oh good lord.
Please assure me I don't know anyone who would have sent you a text like that.
And also... please assure me it wasn't me who texted you that. I know you said "boy" but you've always been good at not blowing my cover.
(insert blowing joke here)
i can make no assurances, miss jess.
nor can i think of a good blowing joke to insert.
Funk him?
Did you get hot and nasty with Disco Stu? Or was it that guy from Jamiroquai? It was, wasn't it? Did he take off that weird hat?
no, gregory, i did not "get hot and nasty" with either of those men.
i did funk james brown once though. and he left his hat on.
then he got drunk and beat me.
*desperately tries not to go off on a ranting tangent*
James Brown can only do two things: funk and beat women. And he's been funking for around fifty years so when the music stops you'd best run for cover.
i left a comment here yesterday and it's disappeared.
and i've thrown away my transcription notes!!!
of the txt mssg!!!
but this is what i had, sort of:
"if u want u [something] it to funk me"
it was the "bot" that confused me.
any clues??
and i can't see how ftnj can be anything except funk, or a wildly wrong fuck.
so, do tell nadine. would it have been a wildly wrong fuck?
yes melbourne girl, i'm beginning to think it would have been.
'bot' is one bit I did like - I'm picturing himd it coz he's too bashful to say arse... Like 'If you want my bot, got to find me!'
Then again, that would proddly make him the type of guy that WOULDN' be texting you for 2am sex .
Since when have you been banging Warney?
Damn, girl! We need to write more often. I'm missing out on ALL the good shit.
You horrid filth-minded girls. It was nothing crass at all.
The "md" at the end is likely short for doctor.
He was clearly texting "If you want cot get to Fuji Doctor."
There is probably a sale on futons at the store called Fuji Doctor.
Or possibly "If u want u cunt got to fuck me."
Either way it's the thought that counts.
In order to be sure I will go out and get mightily drunk and attempt to text.
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