and they control all the media in the whole wide world too.
i am currently playing tour guide to two hot young things from israel: my cousin and her lovely friend.
these sexy young ladies are fresh out of their compulsory army service and ready for some fun.
unfortunately for the horny males of this here sunburned country, they have boyfriends back home. hot boyfriends. with guns.
i have had a great time getting my tourist on with the girls over the past week, going to the aquarium, driving around the city at night and making like i too am seeing everything for the very first time.
i just love saying 'WOW!' a lot i guess.
as i have been showing the girls around sydney and introducing them to all things cultural and "now", i have been rather perturbed by some of the questions i've been asked upon mentioning that my guests hail from the land of the moist, green falafel.
three of those being:
- "are they alright?"
- "do they speak jewish?"
- "have they ever killed anyone?"
allow me to address these one by one:
1) "are they alright?" ('alright' said in a lowered, secretive tone)
"alright?" "ALRIGHT?" what the fuck does this mean?
if it is an enquiry as to the state of the girls' general well-being, i am happy to report that both are doing well and, apart from the odd mosquito bite have displayed no signs of ill health as far as i can tell.
if the question is some sort of juvenile probing into whether or not i am in the company of two "cool chicks", then let it be known that i would eat lunch with them in the cafeteria any day of the week. even if they wore sweat pants on a thursday.
and finally, if this is some veiled reference to the notion that all israelis are gun-slinging maniacs, maybe...oh, just fuck off.
2) "do they speak jewish?"
of course they fucking do. are you mental?
in fact, a typical exchange between the two girls goes something like this:
israeli girl a: "bagel bagel bagel schmuck seinfeld?"
israeli girl b: "oi vey sammy davis junior hummous i love money."
3) "have they ever killed anyone?"
not yet. keep up the stupid questions however...
give me strength.
epilogue:
this post is in no way intended to express my personal or political views about israel and its inhabitants.
that's best left to drunken dinner party discussions and heated arguments with my mother's friends.
i simply mean to express my frustration with the upsetting levels of cultural ignorance i have encountered in the past week. ignorance of a kind i have only experienced maybe twice before.
once being the time i told some poor git that i was moving to chile, only to be asked where exactly in spain that is (to which i replied "the extreme south").
and the other time being that when some random fucktard asked me if i myself "speak jewish".
OI FUCKING VEY!
12 Comments:
speak jewish?
what is that?
do you mean hewbrew? yiddish? ivrit?
is that like speaking muslim, or buddist, or christian.
yeah..... im speaking christian right now :)
idiots.
Please pass on my regards to your family Nadine and send them a warm “Seth Cohen Hava Nagila Kusher Kugel, Passover” from me.
I am fluent in many languages, you see.
"do they speak jewish?"
I am speechless.
Perhaps because I don't speak jewish and don't understand what the problem is because, being Israeli, they are obviously rabid anti-Palestinian terrorists.
*riots*
I have a question -
Do they sound like Nanny Fine? Because all Jewish women sound like that. So I'm told.
(On Wednesdays, we wear pink!)
So, do they?
Speak Jewish?
I think *I* may be guilty of having used this once.
*Blushes*
I love these cultural/racist misconceptions/assumptions.
Random Guy: Where are you from?
Me: Papua New Guinea.
Random Guy: [Raises voice and inserts lengthy pauses between each word] HOW. DO. YOU. LIKE. LIVING. IN. OUR. COUNTRY?
Me: Me no like it. Me no llowed to wear shrunken heads round neck and they make me wear clothes.
Idiot.
*Puts his head in his hands, and cries about the level of ignorance amongst some*
israeli girl a: "bagel bagel bagel schmuck seinfeld?"
israeli girl b: "oi vey sammy davis junior hummous i love money."
Fucking genius, beautiful girl. I roared with laughter (whilst also bemoaning the idiocy of some people out there - do you love my multitasking? Yes you do).
xx
I just thought of something - I'm not going to catch Jew off you, am I?
no, but you might catch "angry bitch".
i think there might be a vaccine tablet available. although you have to ask tony abbot if you're allowed to take it.
I've been asked a good many times if I speak jewish. I just tell them "your mother was fucked by a camel". In jewish. They always smile and say "wow!"
'hot boyfriends. with guns.'
*sighs dreamily*
Israeli army chicks are hot! I know because someone emailed me a website full of photos of (fully clad, in uniforms and clutching M16s) Israeli army women and they were all beautiful and deadly looking!
So you speak Jewish then, also?
Actually, for a period of time I went out in the company of a few highly Eastern European looking men and was asked on a number of questions if I was Jewish. Now, I know Jews come in all shapes and sizes, but I'm a freckled blonde Irish Catholic who happened to be wearing two saint medallions at the time. I don't think this country knows too much about the children of Israel.
Post a Comment
<< Home