zen and the art of taking yoga seriously
i have never liked yoga.
in fact i would go so far as to say that at times the word 'hate' has been employed to describe my feelings towards the passe, tree-hugging pastime that continues to sweep the nation in it's various guises.
i have always been a firm believer that exercise should involve sweating, panting and booty shaking at the very least. and thus the only physical activity ever to qualify as worthy of my time has been dancing. and sex.
but since i have become a dedicated student of the art of the pole, i have decided that i need the stretching and the breathing and the zen-ing that only yoga can provide.
and i've finally found a class i like, and a teacher who doesn't make me want to douse myself in chemicals and set myself alight in the middle of the 'goddess chant'
and speaking of the 'goddess chant', i must admit i'm still not down with the chanting. i mean, puh-lease. we're in the middle of bondi, our cars are parked outside, and half of us are wearing 'stella mccartney for adidas'.
WE. ARE. NOT. ON. THE. BANKS. OF. THE. GANGA. FOR. FUCK'S. SAKE.
but apart from the fruity chanting i am enjoying the hardcore stretching and the breathing exercises. and i'm trying really, really hard to "zone out" during class.
the problem is, relaxing doesn't come very easily to me. i find it incredibly difficult to "switch off", whether during yoga, massages (which i have only recently started to be comfortable with) and all other 'inward' activities.
its really fucking frustrating. and kinda funny at times too.
and thus i present to you:
'la nadine's internal monologue during friday morning's 90 minute yoga class'
- mmmmm...lying down...gently breathing...sooooo goood....i could stay like this forever...
- oh, damn, she wants us to sit up now...
- i'm so not down with this chanting business...everybody else seems to be well into it...
- hey, isn't that guy a football dude...i think he is...i bet he's just here to pick up girls...he's pretty into the chanting...maybe he just really digs yoga...
- when are we gonna stop chanting and start stretching...
- oh, for fuck's i'll give it a go...
- ohmmmm...
- nup, not gonna happen...
- he he...they all look so funny, chanting with such gusto...
- 'gusto' is such a good word. i should use it more often...
- oh fuck, she caught me with my eyes open...
- c'mon, try and take this seriously...its good for me...
- geez the teacher looks like sarah jessica parker. although sjp probably wouldn't wear those leggings. or would she?
- yay! the chanting is over. THE CHANTING IS OVER!
- ooooh, dog pose...easy start...good...
- oh, so glad nobody is behind me right now...this isn't my best look...arse in the air...legs akimbo...
- 'akimbo'...there's another great word...i should try and incorporate that into a blog post soon...
- CONCENTRATE ON THE YOGA!
- okay, tree pose...i can do this one...but am i doing it right?
- wow, that girl is really flexible...and pretty...i want to be that flexible...and pretty...actually i'm pretty flexible...
- fuck my balance is off today...maybe cause i didn't eat breakfast...i hope angela and i go for breakfast after this...i really feel like parmesan scramble...
- oh fuck me i'm doing it again. i'm the worst concentraterer ever...
- i love these shoulder stand poses...i feel like a kid...
- ooooh, i never felt like this when i was a kid...
- woah, that's really sexual...maybe i'm not doing it right...but i think i am...oh, i don't know...
- i wonder if i'll shag anybody this weekend...its been a little while now...well, not that long, but long enough...
- oh, everybody is lying down now and covering up with blankets and eye masks...i love this bit...
- try and think relaxing thoughts...no more sex and food brain...think about peaceful stuff...
- are the others really thinking peaceful thoughts?
- or any thoughts?
- why do i have so much trouble with the not thinking?
- i wonder if the teacher can tell i'm bad at relaxing...she must know...
- oh, my fists are clenched...lucky they're under the blanket...she can't have noticed...
- is everybody still lying down? what if they're not? maybe they're all staring at me...
- oh, she just said to get up slowly, in "our own time"...
- that sux...i'm enjoying the relaxing...not that i'm really relaxing...but i like lying here...
- i'm going to try and relax better next time...
- oooh, time for parmesan scramble...
...
...
...
...
namaste.
*bows*
13 Comments:
We do some yoga, chi-gung and meditation for martial arts - try sitting on a chair but not leaning against the back of it for an hour at 6am on a weekend with no caffeine or sugar... I've been doing it for 17 years and my internal monologue is pretty similar!
i fell asleep at yoga
it was rad
Is that at the dharma shala in north bondi by any chance? Best. Yoga. School. Ever.
x
The hippy drippy shit that comes with yoga can go fuck its self as far as I am concerned but I do completely get off on the stretching out of computer/couched/sex crippled muscles. That is the only reason I practice yoga.
Try Bikram for the strenuous, oh-my-god-I-cant-believe-this-much-sweat-came-out-of-my-body stuff.
I only appreciated chanting last year,because the humming vibrations made me tingle and happy. I chant for my own amusement, and not for Ghanesh or Ammah or whoever may be the chosen yoga studios God of choice.
'tis dharma shala in north bondi indeed, anon.
stalkers be told.
God, my internal monologue is almost exactly the same. I tried yoga once and it stressed me out completely. If you want to switch off your brain try boxing. Not that boxercise stuff, the real, sweaty, punchy, strap your hands and look like a cock trying to jab the mirror kind. There isn't too much Stella McCartney for Adidas at your standard PCYC.
I think most people have that exact (or close) internal monologue to start with. Once you can get through it and stop thinking about the washing, shopping, what's that on the carpet etc... if you can actually get past that point it is so completely relaxing that you feel like you are just melting into the floor. Every time i do it I struggle for a while, then i finally get there and feel SO GOOD i wonder why it's been 3 months since i last did it etc.
The chanting is fun. Enjoy.
Namaste indeed.
Dxxxx
dxxxx is right, your mind starts like that, but slowly over time you can train it to empty a little bit at a time. when i first tried yoga i fell asleep and found it really boring. i haven't really done it since, but have done healing meditation at a buddha place. making the mind still takes practice but it is a good thing, even if just for a short time.
good luck, keep going. it makes a really nice balance with the pole dancing.
by the way, how is the house/flat hunt going?
the flat hunt is still going. but i may have found a place. still deciding on it. nice location, funky 70s building, quiet, green, near parks, beaches, shops, transport. just a bit scared to commit.
i am housesitting a gorgeous flat until the new year however, so i have time to make the right decision without pressure.
i will keep you posted.
i was thoroughly enjoying your subconscious mind... you should do that more often.
you should do that in some funny language and i'm betting the others will think you're chanting.
I did yoga once.
Because I somehow managed to be in the "all ages" class and there were actually people in the room doing yoga in. their. wheelchairs.
There was no clear mind that day, only much suppression of laughter.
~K
nadine, don't be scared to commit. you can always rent it out.
someone said the other day, the only true mistake you can make with real estate is not to buy. ie, get into the market as soon as you can.
but that person was a money-caring mental grubby property developer type which i am pretty sure you're not.
don't be so sure, melbourne girl. you never know...
Post a Comment
<< Home