grave digger
my mobile started ringing.
a number which i assumed to be my friend miss sam's work number was flashing on the screen.
kanye west's 'gold digger' was playing on the stereo.
i picked up the phone and began serenading miss sam with the dulcet tones of my best "black man voice" (and continued booty dancing the fuck out of my living room).
"you know why
it take too much to touch her
from what I heard she got a baby by busta
my best friend say she use to fuck wit usher
i don't care what none of ya'll say
i still love her..."
i stop "singing" and there is silence on the other end of the phone.
"miss sam?" i say, realising suddenly that it may not actually be miss sam and that i may thus have to kill myself when i get off the phone.
"MISS SAM?!? please tell me that's you..."
i'm panicking now.
"la nadine?" said the unrecognisable (MALE!) voice on the other end.
"OH FUCK!" screamed my brain.
"la nadine, its ******** ********, i made your father's gravestone. you called me last week about making your mother's too."
...
...
...
...
...
worst. phone. call. ever.
*dies*
10 Comments:
miss sam is wishing that it had been her on the line as she loves your singing voice
la nadine wishes it had been miss sam on the phone too so she didn't feel like harming herself due to embarassment caused.
it couldn't be an annoying marketer, could it?
no.
[dies empathically with nadine]
I wouldn't feel too bad.
hey- this guy rings people who have lost a loved one EVERY FUCKING DAY. Would do most heads in fer shiz.
So a call where some hott supa-fly chick is rappin' a little ol' Kanye would have pleased him no end.
Werd up NA-to-tha-mutha-fuggin-DINE!
t to tha r.
obviously not a Kanye fan then.
He should have been screamming we want pre nup down the line.
actually he was a really good sport about it.
after i had finished saying "ohmigawd, i'm so embarrassed. i thought you were someone else" over and over again for at least a whole minute, he responded with a laugh and said "don't be embarrassed, i make gravestones for a living, now that's embarrassing".
so apparently people who "deal in death" can have senses of humour too.
who woulda thunk?
actually, i woulda thunk.
i met a gravedigger in an argentinian cemetery a few years back.
he was wearing a loony tunes jumper that read:
"that's all folks!"
he didn't speak english, thus i'm not sure if he got the pun, but it had me and my travel buds in stitches for days.
Oh man, that is truly The Suck.
I feel like crawling under something just reading it.
Back in the day before I had caller ID, I was expecting a call from a friend who had literally told me six minutes before hand "I'll call you back in five minutes."
Phone rings and I say "damn bitch, think that took long enough?"
It was the principle at my daughter’s school.
Mother of the year award? Here I come.
~K
ahahahahaha
laughing my arse off at the comment above.
love it.
can't top that i don't think.
That was the most perfect short story ever.
Post a Comment
<< Home