gettin' wiggy with it (na na na na na na na)
the email below was sent to a friend of mine by a female colleague at his place of employment.
it was also sent to the entire staff of the law firm at which they work.
and then later it was sent to me for my amusement.
please read it carefully, and then let's discuss.
From: **** ****
Sent: Wednesday, 9 August 2006 3:52 PM
To: Sydney Staff
Subject: Does anyone have a women's wig?
If you have a women's wig floating around can you please let me know because I'm urgently in need of one. Preferably with pigtails but at the end of the day I'm not going to be fussy. I apologise for sending this to all of you but time is of the essence here -- this is matter related.
Thanks very much
****
WTF?!?
my initial reaction was that perhaps poor **** had been diagnosed with "the badness" and was desperately seeking a wig before her hair fell out, but couldn't afford to buy one for herself.
but the "preferably with pigtails" line pretty much void that explanation, as did the realisation that lawyers in swanky corporate firms ain't usually lacking in the pennies.
but the only other possible answers i have thus far come up with involve either nursery rhyme-themed fancy dress parties or raunchy schoolgirl role play funtime.
surely there is a reasonable explanation to ****'s dilemma that involves neither cancer nor the impersonating of children?
and furthermore what the befuck does she mean by "matter related"?
WHAT MATTER IS IT RELATED TO?!?
is this some type of fancy legal jargon i'm not privy to, or is **** in such a rush to find herself a (preferably pigtailed) wig that the english language has become all too much for her?
and lastly, **** states with much aplomb that she is "not going to be fussy" at the end of the day.
does this mean she will be fussy in the morning? at noon? fussy in the evening time?
i am intrigued, people. obsessed even.
so many questions running through my brain.
so much time on my unemployed little hands to think about possible answers to them.
please help me get to the bottom of this before i drive myself, and those around me, insane(r).
and hurry!
time is of the essence here -- this is matter related.
14 Comments:
I am sorry to spoil some of the excitement, but what non lawyers call "cases" lawyers call "matters".
So she's saying she has a legitimate work reason for her request. Of course, just saying that is no reason to believe her.
well now i'm even more intrigued.
if it is indeed related to a case...
WHAT KIND OF FRICKING CASE REQUIRES A PIGTAILED WIG?
i may be a lay person when it come to legal matters, but i've watched enough law and order to know that's a bit odd.
yup. what zoe said.
I am with you though la nadine.
I am guessing it is something along the lines of:
"We submit, Your Honour, that the Plaintiff's solicitor has been a naughty, naughty girl, and deserves to be spanked."
"Very well, Miss ...., you may approach the Bench..."
Mind you, a 'matter' may also be a file that is not being litigated. To me that would make it all the more intriguing.
What kind of contract negotiation or due diligence would require a pig-tailed wig?
Well obviously, nadsy, it's an elaborate court ploy to trip up a key (lying) witness in medius interrogatius. (that's bad tv latin-speak for in-the-midst-of-questioning-revelation-time-just-before-the-ad-break).
Just like that scene in philadelphia where they stick it to the bigoted law-firm by horrifying the court with visible lesions and the whole audience is cheering through tears...
Or that bit in my cousin vinnie where marisa tomei slams it to the man as a car expert...well that didn't really involve props but still.
How gratifying are courtroom scenes of the nineties?
The key (lying) witness will be identifying the feisty, pig-tailed, stripperella-type heroine in a murder case when, lo! Snappy asterix lawyer lady suddenly punches back with a lineup of similarly dressed stripper types in pig-tails (Because in this episode, the line-up takes place in the court and not the police station).
'Can you identify the woman you saw from behind?' towers lady-law.
Lying witness will hesitate, then point to the back of the middle pig-strip-chick, who is spun around, revealed to the court to be-
A MAN!!!
(gasps and acquittals ensue).
xx s.
Ps want to make a date to watch bad tv together while I'm (not) doing my thesis?
Pps I didn't just ask that. I'm way too studious.
-What colour tie am I wearing?
-You are wearing a red and white tie, in a half-windsor knot.
-Is that what you think? Well, if that's what you think, then I have something to tell you. Something that may shock and discredit you. *pulls tie off* - I'm not wearing a tie at all!
maybe its for a school girl who had a hair cut that went wrong hence the wig with the tails? and they are suing the hairdresser but need a wig to protect the girls dignity on her day in court?
fingers crossed that i dont need a wig come tomorrow?
i can't believe nobody has made a legally blonde joke yet.
i especially can't believe it escaped your attention, "s".
having had extensively painful relationship with various kinds of corp lawyers, pigtailed or otherwise, i don't buy this 'matter related' bullshit.
Knowing lawyers, if it's indeed matter related, they'll buy the kinkiest, pricest piece of rare near extinct pig and put it into the client's account - and bill the saving rainforest time as chargeable hours.
no, i don't really have another theory...
I think we both know that legally blonde isn't something you joke about.
That would just be in really bad taste.
You know, taking things a LITTLE too far...
"s".
Perhaps the judges/lawyers are bored with the standard mullet-type wigs they have to wear.
I mean, c'mon. Those wigs haven't changed since like 1422 or something. Get with the program.
I'm thinking a faux-hawk with some highlights might bring the legal profession into the 21st century.
Incidentally, if you're coming to Melbourne, can you please remember to bring that filthy porn video?
It's matter-related.
darlin, if i make it to melbs when you are there i will bring "that filthy porn video" AND a be-pigtailed wig.
IMAGINE THE POSSIBILITIES!
Oh, I am imagining.
IMAGINING MY BRAINS OUT!
On that note, I had a dream about you last night.
It wasn't that kind of dream.
But we can both pretend it was if it makes you feel saucy.
You little minx, you.
*busy imagining possibilities*
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