talking heads?

strange as it may seem, fair readers, there are many things you do not know about me.

i mean colour me mysterious, but there are just certain aspects of my life that i like to keep to myself.

like, for example, my real name. and also where i live. and whom i make the sex with. and my bra size. and...

you get the point.

something i have never revealed before on this here blog is my love of spam.

as in email spam. not that spiced ham stuff. ew.

yes spam is a constant source of amusement in my otherwise mundane existence.

and thus, shocking as this may sound to all you web-savvy tech-heads out there, i leave my email accounts unfiltered.

(GASP!)

most recently i have been reveling in the increasing aggressiveness of the spam i receive.

no longer do titles involve only misspelled naughty words like 'ddicck' and 'ccumm', but tend now to be commands such as "MAKE HER CCUMM ALL NIGHT LONG!" and "GET A BIGGER CCOCK NOW!"

SHEESH!

bossy much?

i don't even have a penis and yet i am compelled to obey!

so today i received what has got to be my favourite piece of spam to date.

firstly, it was from the email account of one 'buckles_the_dog', a fact that is entertaining enough of itself.

but to top it off, it involved this gem of a subject heading:

"If ccoccks could talk they would definitely say buy our Penis Enlargement Patch..."

!!!

now i don't know about y'all, but i always wondered what penises (penii?) would say if magically blessed with the power of words.

thinking about it now, i imagine they would be more likely to say something like:

"IF YOU'RE GONNA BE DOING THAT AGAIN YOU COULD AT LEAST BUY ME DINNER FIRST NEXT TIME?"

or:

"STOP PUTTING ME IN PLACES I DON'T BELONG, WARNIE!"

but that's just me. and lord knows i haven't given the matter a whole lot of thought.

your thoughts?

what pearls of wisdom do you think penises would impart on us if only they could talk?