are you there, god? it's me, la nadine.

so it was rosh hashanah on the weekend.

that means it was jewish new year for any culturally ignorant readers out there.

and that means i spent the weekend eating apples dipped in honey, exchanging gifts with the four remaining members of my family, and making new year's resolutions i will no doubt take as "seriously" as those i made on january first.

now i am not by any means a devout follower of religious doctrine. in fact i am secular as all fuck.

there is probably a god and i wish her well, but until i have solid proof of such - miracles, plagues, tom cruise's face peeling off to reveal the alien within, etc - i will live my life under the assumption that stupid is as stupid does.

but this year rosh hashanah has an intense new element to it, one that has seen me feeling one thousand and one shades of crazy over the past few weeks.

you see the thing is that my parents both died at this time of year in what can only be described as a most extraordinary of coincidences, the spiritual implications of which are difficult to ignore.

they died for completely different reasons, however their deaths occurred on EXACTLY the same jewish calendar day, during EXACTLY the same hour, EXACTLY two years apart from each other.

ya-huh. i ain't fibbin' none.

and rosh hashanah reminded me that the anniversary of that hateful day is FAST approaching.

this year will mark the first anniversary of my mother's passing, and the third since my father's, and i have therefore been a-pondering the where and what-have-yous of life, death and the afterbusiness like a gothic, teenage poet (on crack).

i'll spare you the intricacies of my thoughts on these matters - many of which carry with them a certain 'are you there, god? it's me, margaret'-ness about them - i just felt the need to share with y'all that i'm having them so we can all get through this trying time together.

shana tova.

x