reportage
my friend miss sam is a teacher in a fancy private girls school.
this means she is an endless source of amusing anecdotes about her workplace because, as we all know, kids say the darndest things.
she's also way hot in a totally groovy far out kinda way.
and she cooks a mean sunday dinner.
*sigh*
anyway, last week miss sam was writing report cards for her students and she decided to write one for me too.
when i first read my report i was totally touched by her kind words.
but then i donned my academic hat and looked a little closer, and now i'm not so sure if miss sam likes me very much, if at all.
below is the report written by miss sam about yours truly. it is broken down into small, italicised sections beneath which i have provided the possibly bitchy underlying implications of each.
for some reason i have also decided miss sam's inner bitch is a black woman.
see for yourself:
La Nadine is an enthusiastic and outspoken student.
- that damn hyper bitch talks too much.
She has been successfully developing her writing skills and has obviously grasped the basic concepts of grammar and spelling.
- girlfriend thinks she can write. nigga please.
La Nadine has also developed her oral skills...
- ho goes down more than paris hilton at a shipping heir's convention.
...mainly through debating with her peers and mentors.
- bitch just won't quit gettin' all up in my damn grill.
Her achievements have extended to extra curricula activities...
- she's a slut.
...and we are pleased that she has maintained a consistent interest in developing her social skills through her unwavering support of the local establishments.
- she's a drunk.
La Nadine has to be commended for her resolute dedication to the fiscal enhancement of the local fashion houses, many of which she appears to be single-handedly keeping afloat.
- child spends more money on clothes than lindsay freakin' lohan.
La Nadine has continued to impress us with her dedication to her peers and their welfare; she takes my very best wishes with her into the future.
- okay, so this part seems genuinely fuzzy.
so fair readers, whaddaya reckon?
are these the kindly words of a true friend?
or does miss sam really think i'm a slutty, loudmouthed alcoholic with no talent and too many clothes?
17 Comments:
both? in a nice way?
la nadine, i am very impressed with your use of the language of the hood.
word!
- For someone of her age, she shows a lot of potential.
Norks out too often.
's all i got.
thomasr
I agree with littlefaeriegirl.
Why can't it be both?
xx
Nadine is troubled,
The report confuses.
Ah well, drink up and tits out.
You can never have too many clothes.
As to the rest, I'm saying nuthin!
;)
Dxxxx
My report cards were very similar to your report card above Nads and I didn’t turn out to shabby now, did I?
no you didn't, miss ukelele.
NOT. TOO. SHABBY. AT. ALL.
i argue that a true friend is the one most likely to call you a,
"slutty, loudmouthed alcoholic with no talent and too many clothes?"
who else can have such insight!
PS i'll cook for you any night of the week gorgeous
but will you cook for me every night of the week?
Whoa! Can we put this report card on our website?
www.NadineIsTheBiggestAlcoSluttyHoebagInTheWholeWideWorld.com
well that seemed a little uncalled for, adam.
but i guess if you can substantiate that claim* you can put anything you like on the intermanet.
* which i doubt very much you can.
I think you pass babe, 'cos sure you're her favourite honey chile.
You're right, you're right. I do apologise.
We held a general meeting and changed the domain name:
We are so lucky it wasn't already taken...
www.RightAfterLindsayLohanNadineIsTheSecondBiggestAlcoSluttyHoebagInTheWholeWideWorld.com
dear adam,
have i hurt your feelings in some way?
lets talk about this.
or at least hug it out.
kisses,
la nadine
Dearest Nadine,
No, no, not at all.
I was just teasing, not unlike a 6 year old pulling the pigtails of the girls he likes.
Not that I 'like like' you, I just think you're a cute internetty word chick with a good set.
My apologies if the term 'sluttyhoeyhoebag' wasn't taken with all the endearment it was intended.
I just think you're a cute internetty word chick with a good set.
oh adam, now i think i "like like" you!
Yo that bitch needs to be taken DOWN! Luckily i have recently moved up the ranks of my gang - Crib Ridin' SIGS - just say the word...
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