taking stock

so at the beginning of this year i made a bunch of new years' resolutions.

apparently i will never learn to spare myself the torment of such an obviously ridiculous endeavour.

what can i say? i live for pain.

for those of you too lazy to follow the above link, my resolutions for 2006 were:

1) quit smoking.

2) pole dance my way to hotness.

3) learn to play the drums.

4) cook more often

5) not lose any more family members.

6) buy a house.

i also threw 'further my career as an actual paid writer', and 'start doing volunteer work again' into the mix, because i obviously wasn't aiming high enough with just six random goals to achieve in one year.

and with one month to go of this most tumultuous (albeit MUCH better than past years) of years, the time has come to check in with just how successful i've been in fulfilling my ambitions.

let's take a closer look...


1) quit smoking.

i...um...sort of...well not as much as i used to...but then...um...NEXT!


2) pole dance my way to hotness.

did i learn to pole dance? yes.

did i become absolutely obsessed with all pole dancing-related things? yes.

have i thus been covered in bruises for the better part of the year? yes.

is there now a giant, shiny pole in the middle of my lounge room, blocking access to my kitchen? yes.

would i say i have "pole danced my way to hotness"? probably not.


3) learn to play the drums.

i have yet to even sit before a kit with a pair of sticks in my hands. so lame.


4) cook more often

i have most certainly cooked "more often" than i used to, but i would still define my culinary endeavours as occurring "not often enough".

good think my loverly new flatmate is cuckoo for cooking.


5) not lose any more family members.

i refuse to respond to this on the basis that the year is still not over. and if i have learned anything in the past most cunting of years, it is that a lot can happen in a month. A. LOT.


6) buy a house.

not only did i buy myself a room somewhere, far away from the cold night air, but i renovated the fuck out of it as well. kudos to me.


meanwhile, about the whole paid writer/volunteer work business, i can safely say that i have made great strides in regards to the former; and that i may have to withdraw my membership to the bleeding-heart left due to my abysmal efforts regarding the latter.

and so i have thirty one days to quit smoking, master the drums, whip up a few meals, do some volunteer work and still not lose any more members of my ever-shrinking family.

fuck me dead with a rissole, it's gonna be a LONG month.