where all you control is which queue you choose to spend an hour in
yesterday some friends and i went to jamberoo action park ("where you control the action").
this effectively meant enduring a one and a half hour drive in 40 degree heat very early of a sunday morning only to spend the next five hours surrounded by inbred halfwits with a collective IQ of approximately 12.
and then we had to drive back home again. with sunstroke. and possibly herpes (that wave pool is as about as sanitary as colin farrell's boxer briefs).
sound like hell? it was.
why did we do it? because we wanted to "control the action", and where better do so than the self-proclaimed home of action regulation?
now as a creative in an advertising firm i take my duty to the public very seriously. i would rather stab myself in the eye with an inexpensive pen than mislead the masses. and i would never, ever bend the truth in order to sell a product. unless of course they paid me extra and upped my incentive allowance* tenfold.
thus i am very perturbed by this bogan wonderland's choice of slogan, as there was such little action to be self-controlled that at times i felt downright reckless.
and apart from two three-minute waterslide rides and one damn good pastrami and cheese sandwich made by my flatmate, the entire day was one big (hilarious) disappointment.
here are some memorable moments i will treasure in my heart forevs:
- playing "spot the mullet";
- playing "spot the teen mums";
- playing "spot the future teen mums";
- playing "spot the kids peeing in the wave pool";
- watching a toddler drink "water" from the wave pool from a cup while her buck-toothed mama not only looked on and laughed, but also filmed the entire incident;
- watching a kid be dragged from the wave pool by two lifeguards, gasping for air, while the other pool-goers "booed" because the fact the waves had been turned off while he was rescued;
- getting the hell out of there.
the great oscar wilde once said that "the only thing that sustains one through life is the consciousness of the immense inferiority of everybody else."
he'd obviously spent a lot of time at jamberoo.
*cocaine supply
23 Comments:
I heard a friend on the radio do a commercial for Jamberoo recreation park stating it was "NSW's biggest and best theme park!"
Quite apart from the fact that it's not really themed, unless "recreation" is a theme, I thought "what about Wonderland?". Some googling revealed that I must have been under a rock when they decided to demolish it.
I live closer to Jamberoo than Wonderland, but had been to the latter. Call it instinct, or just intelligence, but I had a clue what kind of people might congregate at what is pretty much an expensive beach.
Anyway, in my mind it's not a real theme park until there are people in animal suits walking around.
Jamberoo bogans,
Fuckwits the lot,
Why did Nads go? To prove it.
Nadstown-home for boyz?
Or another unmitigatigated source of noise?
I will surround your town with vitriol,
my words will envelop your city, whole.
No escape for you to Jambaroo, for bogans and sheilas
For i am now a spammer too, til you gimme my tequila.
WOT?!
wonderland was kinda shit too. well, not shit, just overpriced.
nadine, we miss you. 20 days between posts, c'mon you selfish ball of sex appeal, that's just not fair!
oh anon, thank you for the encouragement.
but this selfish ball of sex appeal is a bit...how do you say...over it.
i'm trying to muster the inspiration to keep on keeping on. really i am. swears.
nads, the only thing 'over it' should be your leg.
now hop to it sister!
oh, how i wish it was that easy, lovely mex.
sigh.
This is the best blog entry ever. You are the best. That is all.
AAAh HahHAH haaaaa!
'They' say the squeaky wheel gets the grease,
So call me a squealer,
I already drank that damn tequila,
Thanks heaps Nads, now, PEACE!!
you are rather full of yourself, aren't you Nadine! Are you really better than everyone else? I knew you when you were a child, and let me tell you, you are no better than the rest od us!!!
are you actually offended by my feelings of superiority towards jamberoo frequenters, anon?
that's just weird.
i love how inner city hipsters will continue the search for alternative "weird" and "kooky" experiences to those offered by this exponentially disappointing city.
i mean, really, do you have to go as far west as jamberoo adventure park these days to have a good laugh... or even an experience for that matter... and to be reminded that life for the majority of Australians is shit by your standards and, whats more, they dont even know it! the poor mulleted, knocked up, bucktoothed bastards!
i blame the city of sydney for not having more boguns closer to the eastern suburbs for the chosen few to laugh at.
come on nads - what were you expecting?
you referred to me as "hip".
i think i love you.
you would love me more if you knew who i was and, for the record, i am a different anonymous to the anonymous who told you you were full of yourself...
well i had figured that already.
i also figured from your tone that i know you "in the flesh".
but working out your identity isn't high on my list of priorities right now i'm afraid.
my inner city hipster life is keeping me rather busy.
you know "my flesh"
oh anon, if only that narrowed it down.
x
you are quite a quipper
like bette davis
that's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
no, really.
really?
you gotta get some new friends
maybe ones that are less hip
you obviously haven't met my friends.
our verbal sparing is reminiscent of
a neil simon play, its so NY jewish
i think that might be a bit high-brow for what we are doing here, anon.
this is a blog, after all.
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